Cards on the Table

If all my cards are already on the table,

then the only thing I really have left to lose

is my life. And if we’re honest here,

that’s not much of a loss.

365 Chances

There are 365 days in a year

which means I’ve 365 chances

to get someone to fall in love with me

but once again I’m empty-handed;

a failure in society’s eyes.

Yet another year to go by

wondering why I’m unlovable;

not go enough for anyone

let alone THE one.

Another holiday to be sent

tortured with the concept that

It will always be like this for me:

alone and depressing.

On the bright side,

the wine industry is about to take all my money.

Not like I have anyone else to spend it on.

 

 

Injustice

There are so many things

I wish I could say but I can’t

so I’m forced to type them

and confine all my kind thoughts

to a 13 by 8 inch screen

for just a few dozen people

to glance upon.

Oh, what a shame that is.

Because how do I portray to the world

the light that is emitted each time you smile?

Or the way the world grows brighter

with every one of your laughs?

Or that life with you introduces

more colors that the human mind

can comprehend?

It’s simple.

I can’t

and what an injustice that is.

 

Hopeless

I’m a hopeless romantic,

empahsis on the hopeless.

I’d like to say I’m more

on the romantic side,

but who would be there

to confirm my alibi?

No one, like always.

So all those dreams

and hidden smiles

and contained laughs

and audible sighs

will just have to wait

because who would be there

to enjoy what I have to

offer to the world?

No one, like always.

 

You’ll Be Happy

They say to eat healthy and you’ll be happy

but I’m not

 

They say excercise and you’ll be happy

but I’m not

 

They say to be more social and you’ll be happy

but I’m not

 

They say treat yourself to nice things and you’ll be happy

but I’m not.

 

They say try new things and you’ll be happy

but I’m not.

 

They say to move on and you’ll be happy

but I’m not.

Two Sides of a Coin

I don’t try to look at the negative

but my anxiety does.

 

I don’t get angry or hold a grudge,

but my anxiety does.

 

I don’t overthink things

but my anxiety does.

 

I don’t care what others think of me

but my anxiety does.

 

I don’t get stuck on little things

but my anxiety does.

 

I don’t think my life is hopeless

but my anxiety does.

I Tell Myself

I tell myself

not to worry;

everything will be fine.

But my anxiety doesn’t listen.

 

I tell myself

let them be negative.

You can still be positive.

But my anxiety doesn’t listen.

 

I tell myself

their words have no power

unless I give it to them.

But my anxiety doesn’t listen.

I tell myself

to ignore their drama;

Don’t let it affect you.

But my anxiety doesn’t listen.

 

I tell myself

to just let it go;

Move on with your life.

But my anxiety doesn’t listen.

The Monsters

When I was a little girl,

I used to be afraid of

the monsters under my bed.

You know, the ones that

only come out when you

are looking in their direction

and have the job of scaring

innocent little children.

I imagined monsters with

poisonous tounges,

dark cold eyes, sometimes

with more than one face.

I imagined monsters

whispering noises

I couldn’t understand

just loud enough to hear,

to remind me they were there.

As time went by and I grew up,

I told myself they weren’t real.

And I believed myself

all these years

until I began to work with them.