Sometimes writing poems let's me forget about the huge sums of debt I'm accumulating while at college
I hold my breath as the last sliver
of daylight burns into nothing
as the sun sets behind the horizon.
The anticipation of having been
so mesmerized, enchanted, consumed
and now the realization
that I’m not sure what to expect next.
That is how it feels when I find
your eyes are as entranced with me
as I am with yourself.
Just as the sun light
breaks through the canopy
of the trees standing high
above me in the dark,
so does the joy leak in,
breaking through the canopy
bringing me the slightest hope
while in my darkest places
Things used to be
as simple as
telling someone
you liked them
on the playground
and they would say
they liked you too.
Poof!
Instant relationship.
Being an adult
is so much harder.
There’s many factors
to consider,
people’s feelings
to interpret,
and endless actions
to overthink about.
When did things
get so complicated?
Can’t we go back to
when life was simple
and our hearts were
invincible?
Loving you feels like I am
waiting at a red light
at the top of a big hill,
putting all my strength
into pressing my break pedal
into the floor board
to stop myself from rolling
forward, even the tiniest bit
because I know that as soon
as I start rolling,
I’ll have so much momentum
I won’t be able to stop
and if I am going to go
racing full speed ahead
into my feelings for you,
I want to know that I’m
not going to crash and burn
once I reach the bottom.
I will wait for the days to get warm.
I will wait for the leaves to grow.
I will wait for the flowers to bloom.
I will wait for the storms to go
I will wait for the longer evenings.
I will wait for school to end.
I will wait for the changing weather
and of course I will wait for you too, friend.
Right now,
there is a little boy
sitting on a bus
with flowers in his hand,
bouncing up and down,
excited to give them to
his favorite teacher
in the whole wide world
when he gets to school.
But it won’t be me.
Because I’m not there.
He’ll wonder where I am
and his excitement will die
and it will wither down
just like the flowers
he places on my desk
because I can’t go get them.
and that breaks my heart.
Right now,
there’s a little girl
holding on to a bag
with a mug she picked out
and a card with her name
that she has been working
hard to learn to write
by herself all year,
eager to give it to
the teacher that makes
her smile and laugh all day
but it won’t be me
because I’m not there.
She’ll wonder where I am
and why I’m not with her
to make her smile
and to laugh all day.
And that breaks my heart.
You can give your
blood,
sweat,
and tears
to a profession that
your heart is entirely in.
But they will turn
their back on you
so fast
that they leave you with
whiplash,
depression,
and a broken heart
It should be you
walking in my door,
eyes lighting up
when they set on me.
It should be you
kissing my forehead,
calling me a cutie,
making me smile.
It should be you
with your arm around me,
pulling me into you
as we snuggle on my couch.
It should be you
running your fingers
through my hair with
my head on your lap.
It should be you
looking into my eyes,
making my heart race,
giving me butterflies.
It should be you…
It should be you.
Sometimes I can’t help
my need to make others smile.
I will go out of my way
to do little things that I know
will make their day better
because I know what’s like
to fight the silent battles
and think no one is noticing.
Which is true, maybe we don’t.
I also know what it’s like
to be at your lowest point
and have someone show
the simplest act of kindness
and the difference it makes.
So I will do the things that
bring happiness into their lives
because you never know if
coffee, candy, a hug, a joke
will be the only joy
someone experiences today
and everyone deserves
to experience joy
every single damn day.
It’s nice to know
that you’re not mad
I watched an episode,
okay maybe a season,
of the TV show we
were supposed to wait
and watch together.
But I promise I will
stop and wait too.
I’ll watch it again
with you as many times
as you would like
because it will be
so much better with you
and because you are,
without a doubt,
worth waiting for.
There’s no one else
I’d rather enjoy it with.
Baffy Basics 