If all my cards are already on the table,
then the only thing I really have left to lose
is my life. And if we’re honest here,
that’s not much of a loss.
365 Chances
There are 365 days in a year
which means I’ve 365 chances
to get someone to fall in love with me
but once again I’m empty-handed;
a failure in society’s eyes.
Yet another year to go by
wondering why I’m unlovable;
not go enough for anyone
let alone THE one.
Another holiday to be sent
tortured with the concept that
It will always be like this for me:
alone and depressing.
On the bright side,
the wine industry is about to take all my money.
Not like I have anyone else to spend it on.
One Whole Minute
As I was exiting the bathroom,
I looked in the mirror
and for one whole minute
I actually thought I was pretty.
Too bad there’s another 1,439
reasons that I’m not
every single day
Injustice
There are so many things
I wish I could say but I can’t
so I’m forced to type them
and confine all my kind thoughts
to a 13 by 8 inch screen
for just a few dozen people
to glance upon.
Oh, what a shame that is.
Because how do I portray to the world
the light that is emitted each time you smile?
Or the way the world grows brighter
with every one of your laughs?
Or that life with you introduces
more colors that the human mind
can comprehend?
It’s simple.
I can’t
and what an injustice that is.
Hopeless
I’m a hopeless romantic,
empahsis on the hopeless.
I’d like to say I’m more
on the romantic side,
but who would be there
to confirm my alibi?
No one, like always.
So all those dreams
and hidden smiles
and contained laughs
and audible sighs
will just have to wait
because who would be there
to enjoy what I have to
offer to the world?
No one, like always.
You’ll Be Happy
They say to eat healthy and you’ll be happy
but I’m not
They say excercise and you’ll be happy
but I’m not
They say to be more social and you’ll be happy
but I’m not
They say treat yourself to nice things and you’ll be happy
but I’m not.
They say try new things and you’ll be happy
but I’m not.
They say to move on and you’ll be happy
but I’m not.
To Be Happy
I work so damn hard to be happy
which is why it kills me that I’m not.
Two Sides of a Coin
I don’t try to look at the negative
but my anxiety does.
I don’t get angry or hold a grudge,
but my anxiety does.
I don’t overthink things
but my anxiety does.
I don’t care what others think of me
but my anxiety does.
I don’t get stuck on little things
but my anxiety does.
I don’t think my life is hopeless
but my anxiety does.
I Tell Myself
I tell myself
not to worry;
everything will be fine.
But my anxiety doesn’t listen.
I tell myself
let them be negative.
You can still be positive.
But my anxiety doesn’t listen.
I tell myself
their words have no power
unless I give it to them.
But my anxiety doesn’t listen.
I tell myself
to ignore their drama;
Don’t let it affect you.
But my anxiety doesn’t listen.
I tell myself
to just let it go;
Move on with your life.
But my anxiety doesn’t listen.
The Monsters
When I was a little girl,
I used to be afraid of
the monsters under my bed.
You know, the ones that
only come out when you
are looking in their direction
and have the job of scaring
innocent little children.
I imagined monsters with
poisonous tounges,
dark cold eyes, sometimes
with more than one face.
I imagined monsters
whispering noises
I couldn’t understand
just loud enough to hear,
to remind me they were there.
As time went by and I grew up,
I told myself they weren’t real.
And I believed myself
all these years
until I began to work with them.
