Suffocating

I feel like I’m suffocating.

I go through the motions every day

to live the life that is expected up me

but more often than not

I feel like I’m trapped in a life

that belongs to someone else.

I feel as though I am not my own person.

I am just the person everyone else

wants me to be. And I hate it.

I hate who I am, how I look.

I hate my backstory.

I have more regrets than I

could shake all the sticks in the world at.

I can’t change the things about me

to even try to live the life I want

so I keep on living the one I’ve got.

But why?

It’s pointless.

I’m not going anywhere.

Why bother even trying anymore?

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Days Like Today

On days like today,

it would be so easy

to do something as simple

as go for a drive

on the slick, white roads

and maybe go a little

faster than the speed limit

and lose the little control

I have in my life.

 

On days like today

it would be so easy

to just give in;

to just let go

and give up;

to fall off course

and have an accident…

or what looks like one.

What’s one more mistake?

Tinkerbell

I’m very much like Tinkerbell.

I need attention or I’ll die.

Preferably positive.

OR at the very least to feel

like everyone important

in my small circle of loved ones

isn’t ignoring me.

I’m not asking for a party

or even to meet up.

Just a simple text

asking about my day

or to see if I’m okay…

because I’m not.

The Peak

The problem with climbing a mountain

is that at the peak, you’re on top of the world,

but the bottom is still there,

it’s just a much further fall now.

Downhill

When I was driving through the mountains,

I eventually had to come out the other side

which meant I was going downhill.

I didn’t realize though that even after

driving through the flat cornfields of Ohio,

I would still feel like I’m going downhill

a whole week later.

 

Every Single Drop

If you took the time

to individually count

every single drop

of cold, salty water

in the vast ocean

you might finally have

a number equal to

all the times

I’ve thought about you.

That Look

What are you thinking

behind those devilish eyes?

Maybe I’ll never know really,

but that doesn’t mean that I won’t try.

Are you thinking about me?

Is that why you smile?

Or is it someone else?

Maybe you’re just hungry

and want a burger.

Heck if I know.

Did you just raise an eyebrow?

Are you waiting for me?

Are you trying to ask me

without using a single word?

or are you wondering

about something else entirely

like if you looked the door

or remembered to pay your bills.

Maybe I’ll never know.

Maybe that look will

haunt me for the rest of time.

The mind is a tricky thing

and I will never know for sure.

 

 

No More

No more adventures

No more bridges

No more brunches

No more beaches

No more ice cream

No more laughs

No more dolphin shows

No more foreign sodas

No more fireworks

No more cribbage

No more video games

No more smiles

No more you.

I Shouldn’t Rock the Boat

Sometimes I think about the poems

that I really want to post but can’t.

Instead, I save them in a file

on my computer waiting

for the right time

when they will truly be appreciated.

They could be truly amazing,

and highly successful, but…

I have to hold back.

Sometimes making waves in the world

can lead to many good things

but this is just one time where

I shouldn’t rock the boat.

 

It’s Over

It’s over.

The happy, carefree week of joy

has come to an end.

I’ve been transported back from

warm, sunny days full of smiles

and memories I’ll forever cherish

back to the cold, dreary world

I’ve spent years trying to escape.

As the half-frozen rains

and bone-chilling breezes

greet my face when I step out the door,

I recall the satisfaction

I had just days before

and remembering vacation reminds me that

it’s over.