What Have I become?

I wish I was dead.

Isn’t that just terrible?

What have I become?


I’ve become nothing.

I’m just a shell of myself.

How did this happen?

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Beautiful

You told me I was beautiful,

And I didn’t believe you.

I thought you were just saying it,

And I didn’t want to be lied to.

“Why do you think I’m beautiful?”

You blew my mind away.

I thought maybe you’d have one reason,

But you had a whole list.

I’m beautiful because of my face,

My eyes, my nose, my mouth.

Even my curves add to it.

But what shook my world

Was when you said that I

Am beautiful on the inside too.

Once you left, I cried.

I cried happy tears.

For the first time in my life

Someone called me beautiful,

And I actually believed them.

 

The Elephant in the Room

I’m sitting on a hillside,
And I feel like I don’t belong.
It’s how I feel every day,
Amongst other people.
Everything around me is calm.
Everything has a place
And a role to fill.
Everything does what it’s supposed to
Except for me.
What am I doing here?
I do everything wrong.
Everything feels like a mistake.
It’s no wonder I’m not happy.
How could I possibly be?
I don’t have a purpose.
I don’t have anywhere I belong.
I stick out of everywhere.
I’m the elephant in the room
No one wants to talk about.
What’s wrong with me?
Why aren’t I normal?
Why can’t I just be happy?
Those are all difficult questions
That no one wants to ask.
It’s so much easier to ignore me.
It lets everyone and everything
Go on with their lives.

Things I Cannot Change

They say that “if you

Don’t like the life you’re living,

Only you have the power to change it.”

That’s not true.

There are things I cannot change.

There are things out of my control.

I can’t make a boy love me.

That’s not my life.

That’s someone else’s.

If I’m miserable because no one loves me,

I can’t force someone to love me.

If my parents treat me like shit,

I can’t make them not be assholes.

That’s their personality.

I can’t change them.

I just have to deal with their mistreatment.

I can’t force my friends to want to hang out.

If I’m lonely,

And they are busy,

I can’t make them not be.

They have lives too.

So maybe I don’t like the life I’m living,

But I can’t do much to change that.

That’s life and it sucks.