The Emotional Abuse

Because of you, I don’t trust anyone, not even myself.

I can’t stand up for myself.

I can’t do anything.

Because of you, I question my own memories.

I obviously can’t be right

or you wouldn’t be angry.

Because of you,  I have anxiety severe enough that I have to receive help for it.

I walk on eggshells so I don’t trip the magic wire

that sets you off on nothing.

Because of you, I’m ashamed to have people come over.

You’re a different person and it breaks me.

Why don’t I deserve that kindness and easy-going?

Because of you, I’m afraid to leave.

I don’t have anywhere else to go.

How do I turn my back on family?

Because of you, I am passive.

I just do what I have to do to be compliant.

I have to protect myself.

Because of you, I cry. A LOT.

Every night for 9 years to be exact.

I wonder what I did to deserve this.

Because of you, I can’t look people in the eye.

They probably think I’m rude, or not paying attention,

but that connection has hurt me many times in the past.

Because of you, I feel powerless.

I fell I have to take it.

I feel like I have no control.

Because of you, I have no self-esteem.

If I don’t and can’t deserve your love,

then who else would ever love me?

Because of you, I fear men.

I can’t have a relationship because what if?

What if they are all the same?

What if they will hurt me too?

What if I can never escape?

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