Because of you, I don’t trust anyone, not even myself.
I can’t stand up for myself.
I can’t do anything.
Because of you, I question my own memories.
I obviously can’t be right
or you wouldn’t be angry.
Because of you, I have anxiety severe enough that I have to receive help for it.
I walk on eggshells so I don’t trip the magic wire
that sets you off on nothing.
Because of you, I’m ashamed to have people come over.
You’re a different person and it breaks me.
Why don’t I deserve that kindness and easy-going?
Because of you, I’m afraid to leave.
I don’t have anywhere else to go.
How do I turn my back on family?
Because of you, I am passive.
I just do what I have to do to be compliant.
I have to protect myself.
Because of you, I cry. A LOT.
Every night for 9 years to be exact.
I wonder what I did to deserve this.
Because of you, I can’t look people in the eye.
They probably think I’m rude, or not paying attention,
but that connection has hurt me many times in the past.
Because of you, I feel powerless.
I fell I have to take it.
I feel like I have no control.
Because of you, I have no self-esteem.
If I don’t and can’t deserve your love,
then who else would ever love me?
Because of you, I fear men.
I can’t have a relationship because what if?
What if they are all the same?
What if they will hurt me too?
What if I can never escape?