I drink and drink the whole bottle of rum.
The voices that want to kill me I numb.
Lips are Moving
Sometimes it feels like I’m talking.
I swear words are coming out.
But no one seems to hear me.
Maybe I should shout.
I’m crying out for help
but everyone looks away.
My feelings don’t matter I guess
So depressed I guess I’ll stay
Control
I like to believe that I am in control.
That I am independent.
I mean I worked my ass off for a degree
by myself.
I saved up for 5 years and bought a car
by myself.
I have a good paying part-time job
by myself.
I’m looking for a big girl career now
by myself.
But yet no matter how what I do
to make myself feel like
an accomplished adult
I will always be trapped.
For I may have a degree,
a car,
a job,
but you will always make sure
that you still control
some small piece of my life
so that I always have to come back
to this horrid place.
You will always keep me dependent
so that I can never escape,
even though this atmosphere is toxic
and is killing me; suffacting me
making my accomplishments
as worthless as myself.
The Mirror
When I look in the mirror,
I hate myself.
I cannot find one small thing
that I enjoy about myself.
I do what I can
to change that
but nothing is never enough.
I’m starting to see why
models starve themselves
just to like what they see.
Maybe not such a bad idea.
Go Out Walking
Every day I go out walking
miles and miles of trails that wind
hoping, and praying,
to leave myself behind.
I’m looking for a new me,
one I can face in the mirror
because now all I can see
is someone far inferior.
Sometimes I think it’s working;
that all the struggles are worth it.
I do everything correctly,
but nothing has changed a bit.
No matter how hard I work,
no matter how hard I strive
I’m greeted by the same person
at the end when I arrive.
Baffy Basics 