Count to 10/

Then say when you’re mad,

to count to 10. It’ll help

1- fucking way to stay on my nerves is keep doing what you’re doing

2- more words and I’m going to lose it all over again

3-minutes more in the same room and I’ll scream

4-weeks weeks minimum stuck listening to this crap.

5-minutes of sanity is all I’m asking for here

6 more reasons for me to move out but can’t

7 ways to kill myself less painful that this that i just thought.

8 days on a beach the hell away from you sounds great

9 more times I’ll tell you I’m fine. Just fuck off

10? Didn’t work. guess I’ll ry again.

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Isn’t It Funny?

Isn’t it funny how

concerned you are now that

if I go to the store,

I could catch an illness

and die,

but yet

where was this concern when

an illness was inside me

making me want to die

the last nine fucking years?

The Wind

The wind howling and banging

against the sides of this  house

is enough to distract me

so that I forget that if

life was fair, I’d be packing

for a trip I was meant to

go on a week from today.

That Candle

Oh, I have that candle,

and I”m sure you do too,

that reminds me of the good times,

that reminds me of you.

 

When I inhale a deep breath

I feel the warmth that makes me smile

bringing me thoughts of those souls

that I haven’t seen in a while.

 

The soft hints of cinnamon

remind me of the many  fun

carefree, late may days

in the park, under the sun.

 

The sugary smell of brown sugar

reminds me of your kind, gentle heart.

Your love, I can feel with me

even if death keeps us apart.

 

The soft scent of vanilla

brings me back to your little kitchen,

making blue blueberry muffins

that I haven’t tasted in God Knows when.

 

Oh yes I light that candle

and with it, I think of you.

I know I can’t see you yet,

but until then, this will do.

 

Little Does She Know

Little does she know

that he loves that soft pink glow

her cheeks get when he compliments her.

 

Little does she know

that his heart beats faster

when her lips curve into that smile.

 

Little does she know

that he swears he could gaze

into her ocean blue eyes for eternity.

 

Little does she know

that his whole day brightens

every time he hears that laugh.

 

Little does she know

as she turns her head away

he wants to be with her

every single wonderful day.

 

 

The Girl You Knew

The Girl You Knew was shattered;

in rambles; in shreds.

She needed to put herself back

into one piece again.

 

The Girl You Knew  needed help

figuring out who she was now

that everything she used to be

was gone; you took advantage.

 

The Girl You Knew was vulnerable

and let you use her how you needed,

while she broke into tiny pieces

and lost further sight of herself.

 

The Girl You Knew cared about you

and was hurt when you left.

You found ways to hurt a girl

who was already hurting deep.

 

That’s not the girl you know now.

 

The Girl You Know Now is Confident.

She’s put her life back together

and come out stronger with a life

she is proud to live by herself.

 

The Girl You Know Now is motivated.

She did what she had to do

to be a better person

and live her best life.

 

The Girl You Know Now is fierce.

She is a born leader

who helps shape the future

and the world to make it better.

 

The Girl You Know Now is caring

She is loved. She is happy.

And most important of all

she doesn’t need you.

 

 

What I Needed

I needed you

on that cold January day

when I met to get my fix.

 

I needed you

when you denied me

and left me in the dirt.

 

I needed you

as my eyes froze

shut with tears.

 

I needed you

as my hand clutched

the pill bottle in my pocket.

 

I needed you

to keep me from myself

ending my life.

 

I needed you

and you left me there

to pick my own self up.

 

I needed you

but I don’t now,

That was 7 long years ago.

 

I don’t need you anymore.

 

A Million Thoughts…

A million dreams sound beautiful,

poetic, hopeful.

But have you ever had a million thoughts

racing through your mind at the same time?

Because it’s actually a fucking disaster.

Forget about dreaming about

the world we’re gonna make.

I just wonder about this bed I’m supposed to make

and how the idea is just entirely overwhelming

in the grand scheme of things

when I can’t even get out of it

because I’ve already thought of 8 different ways

I’m going to end up in prison

for not wiping the germs off

of a damn toy car often enough.

and that’s just the last minute.

So trust me:

A million of something is keeping me awake

but I don’t think they’re dreams.

Amaze me

It never ceases to amaze me

that there are people in the world

that don’t have to stay up

until 3 in the morning

crying into the darkness

wondering if anyone will ever love them

because to me it just a part

of my nightly routine.

Reality Check

Reality Check:

Life’s a dick

and you’re only kidding yourself

if you think locking yourself

inside your house will

keep the bad things from happening to you.

It may keep out a stupid virus,

but far worse things can happen

when you put somewhere

you feel too comfortable.

Trust me I know.

4 walls can keep out a lot,

but they also hold a lot in.