Birthday Wishes

Did you know that On my birthday,,

for the last nine years straight

I’ve wished for the same thing?

It’s the one thing I want,

more than anything else in the world

and I can’t have it.

But at least on my birthday,

I can feel a little extra magical

and have faith that maybe this year

it will be different.

This year, it’ll happen.

This year, my dream will come true.

But I know it’s childish to think

that blowing out a candle

can make dreams come true.

But I have to hope.

It feels like the only chance I have/

Adults Need Tantrums Too

I know I am an adult

and I need to be practical

and think of my needs.

not my wants.

I’m a grown-ass woman

and I have to think of others.

But dammit!

Let me have my tantrum!

Let me have a moment.

Let me be selfish for once.

 

I want a relationship.

I want a commitment.

I want romance.

I want goodnight texts.

and “I Love Yous” at

the end of phone calls.

I want sappy Facebook posts

and to stop feeling left out of life.

I want to stop holding myself back

all the goddamn time.

I want to feel like I am valid-

like  I am allowed to have feelings.

I’m tired of pretending I’m fine

when I’m really fucking not.

I needed a moment.

This will do.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

 

 

 

 

Drinking Problem

I get depressed when I drink.

But only after I let myself hope.

There’s always that point

where I feel invincible; unstoppable-

I find the happiness I feel like

is always missing in my life.

I want to keep feeling that way.

I want to release the words

that hold me back when sober.

I get close to speaking them

but I can’t. I won’t.

I know it will only hurt me.

So I bottle it in until I cry

and it consumes me

until everyone thinks that the

drinking makes me depressed.

But It doesn’t. It makes me feel;

happy, hopeful, wishful, brave.

It’s reality bringing me down.