Adults Need Tantrums Too

I know I am an adult

and I need to be practical

and think of my needs.

not my wants.

I’m a grown-ass woman

and I have to think of others.

But dammit!

Let me have my tantrum!

Let me have a moment.

Let me be selfish for once.

 

I want a relationship.

I want a commitment.

I want romance.

I want goodnight texts.

and “I Love Yous” at

the end of phone calls.

I want sappy Facebook posts

and to stop feeling left out of life.

I want to stop holding myself back

all the goddamn time.

I want to feel like I am valid-

like  I am allowed to have feelings.

I’m tired of pretending I’m fine

when I’m really fucking not.

I needed a moment.

This will do.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

 

 

 

 

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Control

I like to believe that I am in control.

That I am independent.

I mean I worked my ass off for a degree

by myself.

I saved up for 5 years and bought a car

by myself.

I have a good paying part-time job

by myself.

I’m looking for a big girl career now

by myself.

But yet no matter how what I do

to make myself feel like

an accomplished adult

I will always be trapped.

For I may have a degree,

a car,

a job,

but you will always make sure

that you still control

some small piece of my life

so that I always have to come back

to this horrid place.

You will always keep me dependent

so that I can never escape,

even though this atmosphere is toxic

and is killing me; suffacting me

making my accomplishments

as worthless as myself.