Being in love is such a freeing thing,
But only when felt by both parties.
I have no freedom to whom I love.
I am a slave to love.
It has a hold on me.
And I am stuck in my state.
I can’t love all I want,
but I won’t be free until I’m loved back
And that just won’t be happening,
Not in this lifetime.
Having you over was a mistake.
Before you came over,
I was already depressed,
But I had at least adjusted to the numb.
Being with you again reminded me
What it’s like to be happy.
But now you are too busy for me.
My happiness isn’t important to you
And I’m falling back into the dark.
The rock bottom is harder than before.
The pain is worse now.
What you did is wrong.
You teased me with a potential
Chance of feeling better.
And then you took it away from me.
I’m destroyed now more than ever.
Having you over was a mistake.
You can’t do this to me.
You can’t keep running
In and out of my life
When I need you the most.
I’m vulnerable. I’m fragile.
I’m physically falling apart.
I’m already emotionally broken.
You can’t act like you’re
Going to make everything better
But then never come around.
I already feel ignored
By everyone in my life.
Now it feels like
You’re abandoning me too.
It’s my drug
and I’m addicted.
It is my only escape.
I need it.
I can get it,
With just the wave of my hand.
Just a touch,
That isn’t special
Is what I need to stay alive.
I use it.
I abuse it.
It’s how I’ve learned to survive.
Sex is my weapon
Of protection
That I use to forget.
Memories
And the flashbacks
Are temporarily forgotten.
The release
Is the relief
My tortured mind needs.
I’m broken.
Can’t be saved.
My drug is keeping me alive.
I can’t go back.
I can’t go through that again.
You said I was fine,
Just an attention whore.
I’d be fine eventually.
I’d get over myself.
I can’t go back.
I need the help,
But you said I didn’t.
I can’t be rejected again.
It took a lot of courage
To say the truth,
To admit I wasn’t okay,
And you said it was an act.
I can’t go back
and be told the same thing.
I’m even more afraid now
That my cries will be ignored again.
I thought I couldn’t.
You did the impossible
You made me smile
I don’t know which feels more empty:
My bank account or my soul.
I suppose there’s always a chance
For me to get more money.
But I don’t think I’ll ever find
Everything that this depression
Has taken from my soul.
Everything in life sucks.
Life is such a bully.
Everything is a string of sucky events
Speckled with an occasional good one.
Just when you start to feel happy,
Life takes it away.
It’s to the point
That I know this is always how it works.
I can’t even enjoy the good anymore.
I wish I was dead.
Isn’t that just terrible?
What have I become?
I’ve become nothing.
I’m just a shell of myself.
How did this happen?
Baffy Basics 