Nobody There

Three years.

That’s how long it took

for me to work up the courage

to call counseling services

to try to get myself help

and there was nobody there.

 

I’ll never call again.

I’ll never get better.

All because the one time

I conquered my anxiety

and tried to reach out

to find nobody there.

Alone for the Holiday

Alone, yet again

for another holiday.

Me myself and I

will be present Christmas day.

No one to snuggle

and kiss under mistletoe.

No one to bring home

There’s no one to want to go.

Alone, yet again

No reason for me to brag.

To Christmas dinner

My parents will have to drag.

I love Christmas time,

but it gets harder each year.

No one to love me,

Kills all of my Christmas cheer.

 

No One Loves Me


No one loves me,

And I honestly think no one ever will.

I can’t keep telling myself this,

But I can’t stop either.

I can’t tell myself that it will be okay, that

That tomorrow will be different

When tomorrow never is.

I can’t pretend someone loves me

Because it only hurts more

When reality sets in

And I have to face the truth.

No one loves me,

And I can’t change that.

I can’t ask someone to love me

When I know the answer already.

Why set myself up for failure.

If someone loves me,

They would have told me by now,

And I wouldn’t have to spend

Another night alone,

Crying into my pillow

Hoping my heart will stop

So that the tears finally end.

The Elephant in the Room

I’m sitting on a hillside,
And I feel like I don’t belong.
It’s how I feel every day,
Amongst other people.
Everything around me is calm.
Everything has a place
And a role to fill.
Everything does what it’s supposed to
Except for me.
What am I doing here?
I do everything wrong.
Everything feels like a mistake.
It’s no wonder I’m not happy.
How could I possibly be?
I don’t have a purpose.
I don’t have anywhere I belong.
I stick out of everywhere.
I’m the elephant in the room
No one wants to talk about.
What’s wrong with me?
Why aren’t I normal?
Why can’t I just be happy?
Those are all difficult questions
That no one wants to ask.
It’s so much easier to ignore me.
It lets everyone and everything
Go on with their lives.

To Feel Like Someone Loves Me

I want to feel like someone loves me.

It seems like a simple human right

That I just can’t seem to claim.

Love is linked to happiness

Which explains why I’m miserable.

I don’t want a boyfriend just to say I have one.

I just want someone to bring me joy.

I want to feel like I matter.

I want someone to make me smile.

I want someone to care about me

Because I’m tired of being the only one.

It exhausting telling myself each day

That life is worth living

When the list of reasons just gets shorter.

I need someone to make me feel

Like I’m not alone.

I need to feel like someone loves me,

No One

The doors are closed.

Madness is shut in.

No escape for me.

I’m left in the dark.

Why am I ignored?

No one hears my screams.

Feel so unimportant.

Unwanted; undesirable.

What if I just disappeared?

What if I just never return?

What if?

I’ll tell you what.

No one will care.

No one will look.

No one will miss me.

No one.