Suffocating

I feel like I’m suffocating.

I go through the motions every day

to live the life that is expected up me

but more often than not

I feel like I’m trapped in a life

that belongs to someone else.

I feel as though I am not my own person.

I am just the person everyone else

wants me to be. And I hate it.

I hate who I am, how I look.

I hate my backstory.

I have more regrets than I

could shake all the sticks in the world at.

I can’t change the things about me

to even try to live the life I want

so I keep on living the one I’ve got.

But why?

It’s pointless.

I’m not going anywhere.

Why bother even trying anymore?

Days Like Today

On days like today,

it would be so easy

to do something as simple

as go for a drive

on the slick, white roads

and maybe go a little

faster than the speed limit

and lose the little control

I have in my life.

 

On days like today

it would be so easy

to just give in;

to just let go

and give up;

to fall off course

and have an accident…

or what looks like one.

What’s one more mistake?

Anxious

I am starting to realize

my anxiety is strong.

Every little thing I do

now appears to be done wrong.

 

The bells at school make me jump,

hyperventilate, panic.

The work I have left to do

this semester makes me sick.

 

I bite my fingers until

until they hurt or they bleed.

I can’t take a compliment

no matter what is the deed.

 

I can’t sleep through the whole night.

I am afraid to be late.

Nothing makes me more anxious

than those eight hours I wait.

 

Overthink situations

and I jump to conclusions.

I make accusations that

lead to people’s confusion.

 

I need to calm myself down.

What is happening inside?

I can’t stop losing my mind,

heaven knows that I have tried.