Suffocating

I feel like I’m suffocating.

I go through the motions every day

to live the life that is expected up me

but more often than not

I feel like I’m trapped in a life

that belongs to someone else.

I feel as though I am not my own person.

I am just the person everyone else

wants me to be. And I hate it.

I hate who I am, how I look.

I hate my backstory.

I have more regrets than I

could shake all the sticks in the world at.

I can’t change the things about me

to even try to live the life I want

so I keep on living the one I’ve got.

But why?

It’s pointless.

I’m not going anywhere.

Why bother even trying anymore?

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Days Like Today

On days like today,

it would be so easy

to do something as simple

as go for a drive

on the slick, white roads

and maybe go a little

faster than the speed limit

and lose the little control

I have in my life.

 

On days like today

it would be so easy

to just give in;

to just let go

and give up;

to fall off course

and have an accident…

or what looks like one.

What’s one more mistake?

Anxious

I am starting to realize

my anxiety is strong.

Every little thing I do

now appears to be done wrong.

 

The bells at school make me jump,

hyperventilate, panic.

The work I have left to do

this semester makes me sick.

 

I bite my fingers until

until they hurt or they bleed.

I can’t take a compliment

no matter what is the deed.

 

I can’t sleep through the whole night.

I am afraid to be late.

Nothing makes me more anxious

than those eight hours I wait.

 

Overthink situations

and I jump to conclusions.

I make accusations that

lead to people’s confusion.

 

I need to calm myself down.

What is happening inside?

I can’t stop losing my mind,

heaven knows that I have tried.