Holiday Feels

Nothing quite brings out the “Holiday Feels”

like being the only single one at the table.

Nothing reminds me of the hurt

filling my empty heart

like seeing the love and joy that fills many others.

Nothing brings me such pain

as dreaded questions and comments like

“Why didn’t you bring someone?” or

“Oh, well there’s always next year”.

Nothing brings me such envy

as seeing kisses and tenderness

that I can only imagine in dreams

Nothing brings me the “Holiday Feels”

like being subjected to time with family.

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It Must be the Changing Seasons

My nose is dripping.

My head is stuffed.

every muscle in my body aches.

It must be the changing seasons.

 

There’s frost on my windshield.

My sweater isn’t warm enough.

I’m getting leaves whipped in my face.

It must be the changing seasons.

 

I don’t want to leave my bed.

Everything seems hopeless.

Everything around me is dying or dead.

It must be the changing seasons

I Wish I Was Pretty

I wish I was pretty.

Guys always go for the pretty girls.

They never settle for girls that are nice.

If they’re both that’s a plus,

but it’s never just because they’re nice.

I wish I was pretty,

but I’m not. I’m the nice girl.

I get overlooked because I’m not enough.

I wish I was pretty

so I could finally be good enough

to deserve to be loved.

 

 

Nobody There

Three years.

That’s how long it took

for me to work up the courage

to call counseling services

to try to get myself help

and there was nobody there.

 

I’ll never call again.

I’ll never get better.

All because the one time

I conquered my anxiety

and tried to reach out

to find nobody there.

After the Shower

There’s a moment,

after turning off the hot water,

that I notice my surroundings

when it’s just me,

naked and alone.

There’s a moment

that I’m in a state of confusion,

unsure of where I am

when it’s just me,

naked and alone.

There’s  a moment,

where I question everything,

where I feel everything,

when it’s just me,

naked and alone.

There’s a moment

that I try to commit

do I open a door and

feel a rush of new things,

when it’s just me,

naked and alone?

There’s a moment

when I touch the handle,

and I contemplate everything

when it’s just me,

naked and alone.

There’s a moment

when I decide to move forward,

and brace myself for the change

when it’s just me,

naked and alone.

There’s a moment

when I start to realize

even after the shower,

when it’s just me,

naked and alone.

In that moment,

I know nothing changed.

I’m just as vulnerable as before

because it’s just me,

naked and alone.