Lately, I have been considering
what really makes me happy
but I do not have an answer.
I feel empty and lost
because I don’t have dreams.
When I was in high school,
when I should have been
and deciding what I want
to do with the rest of my life
all I wanted to do was die.
Now I’m at the point
where the light at the end
of the tunnel is real,
but I don’t know
what I want there to be
waiting for me at the end.
I’m lost and I’m scared
and I’m reverting back to my old tendencies.
I’d rather put an end to it all
than face the future that I don’t know;
the future that I didn’t create.
Well, it happened. It has finally won.
The darkness that I have worked
so hard to fend off over the years
has finally consumed me.
All the smiles you gave me
that shone a light to frighten them off
are now ancient history.
I know there will never be another
time a look from you will make me happy
because I know.
I know that you don’t think I’m special
and that I’m not good enough.
I may go through the same motions as her
but you will never love me.
That thought has forever darkened my soul
and I am just a hollow shell
that the darkness has filled.
I won’t bother struggling anymore
since I know there isn’t a happy ending
waiting for me on the other side anymore.
It has won and I’ll never be the same.
I’ve given up on what I really wanted
And now I feel so empty.
It’s like I’ve lost a part of me.
I am internally haunted.
I’ve given up all my hope.
I will no longer be trying.
I need to stop my crying
I need to learn to cope.
I’ve given up my heart.
All I feel is it’s empty hole.
I feel like I’ve lost my soul
Yet I’m barely falling a part.
I’ve given up on love.
Alone, I’m meant to be.
There is no one for me.
There’s no such thing as truelove.