Inconsolable

One of the worse parts of anxiety

is the irrational worries and fears

it puts in my head.

Or maybe it’s the hours spent up at night,

lying in bed crying,

where I whisper to myself that it’s not real.

they’ll never happen.

Just keep pushing past them.

But what am I supposed to do

when one of those fear turns out to be true?

The pain going through my being

is inconsolable.

How do I tell myself that nightmares

are not real when they become reality?

The Rape

I am walking home from school

And I’m standing at a light.

While I wait for it to change,

I check behind my back.

I see you in the distance,

Fear conquers my inside.

I walk across so quickly,

move faster and faster.

I try  hard to distance us,

But you move so much faster.

I’m three fourths of the way home

And you are on my trail now.

You are stuck at a stoplight

I take off my shoes and run.

I cannot breathe but I run,

But you move so much faster.

I make it to my street now,

And see there is no one home.

The fear quickens my heart beat.

I realize there’s no escape.

With little time to waste now,

I open my garage door.

I hurry inside the house

Looking for a place to hide.

I know that I shut the door,

But you move so much faster.

You manage to get inside

And you find my hiding place.

There’s nowhere else to go now

And there’s nowhere left to hide.

There is only giving up

And to hope it is quick.

You drag me to my bedroom

And end up with you want.

With so few screams of protest,

And hands that are bound with tape,

There’s nothing left to do now

But let my warm tears roll down.

With your hand over my mouth,

And no will left to fight you,

You take advantage of me

Just to get what you wanted.

You threaten you will kill me

If I ever tell a soul.

I tried to sleep all that night

On the bed I was abused.

But I was not successful

And only blamed myself.

It took me over three years

Just to admit it happened.

But I still won’t say the name

For fear of what may happen.

Being hurt by those you know

And forced to live with the pain

Is a burden in which

I am very ashamed.