Busy, Downtown Street

I find myself standing

on a busy, downtown street.

As the crowd bustles on,

I can only shuffle my feet.

I feel so small

surrounded by the towers.

The everyday noise

my senses, it overpowers

I know I must do what I can

to make myself heard

even if I only have energy

for just one single word.

I take a deep breath

and gather my strength

to give it some volume

and meaningful length.

I scream it from

the top of my lungs,

loud enough to shake

nearby ladder rungs.

Only no one heard me

and my final cry’

for at the same exact moment

a large truck drove by.

I know it’s no ones fault,

the timing was poor;

but I have no ability

to try once more.

So I’m destined to be

yet another lost soul

Who’s cries for help

were mistaken for lull.

I find myself standing

on an busy downtown street.

As the crowd bustles on, ‘

I can only shuffle my feet.

The Worst Part

Sometimes the worst part about being depressed

isn’t not having the energy to get out of bed for two days

or realizing you haven’t eatten a real meal in 3

or resorting to bad habits and addictions

or considering unhealthy habits that will only hurt you

or finding a dozen more reasons to hate yourself.

Sometimes. it’s wanting to tell the person you trust most

and not being able to for fear of being ignored again.

But I Can’t, But I Won’t, But I Want to.

There are so many things I want to say,

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I have questions I need to ask

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I need to get my answers

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I want to stop holding back,

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I wish I could stop biting my tongue,

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I want to end each call with I love you,

but I can’t,

but I won’t

but I want to.

 

I want to tell you how I feel,

but I can’t,

but I won’t

but I want to.

 

I want you to admit how you feel

but you can’t,

but you won’t,

but I want you to.

Light Switches

When I was a little girl,

I used to play with the light switches.

I made it a personal goal

to try to balance a switch right in the middle,

but it was never possible.

It always had to be slightly more up

or slightly more down.

It could never be perfectly evened out.

Yet, I pursued my goal

and constantly tried to correct it.

When the switch would waiver,

I’d try to reposition it.

This led to a lot of ups and downs

and a period of time where

the light would flicker on and off

until I finally would give up

and turn the lights off.

These last few days I have

felt like I am this lightswitch

being played with by a child.

I want neither up nor down.

I want to be centered,

but I have little flickers of

extreme emotions that appear

at a moments notice.

It’s a lot of ups and downs.

Balance is unobtainable.

I’m growing bored from

trying to control my light switch.

I think it’s time to turn out the light,

 

 

 

The Bridge

 

I found a bridge

with a spectacular view

of a world far below.

 

There’s a valley of trees

and leaves of  countless trees

surrounding the river flow.

 

The bridge is a 180 feet high

and spans over a mile

for the cars to zoom along.

 

When I go over this bridge

I can’t help but think

should I turn my wheel wrong?

 

I Shouldn’t Have Done It

I know I shouldn’t have done it,

but it was so easy. It just felt right.

How could I stop myself from sliding

into something that felt so natural?

Love had me in it’s grips

and there is no escaping.

One look from you and I knew.

I knew that I was powerless.

I knew I would succumb to you.

I knew that you were the one.

But I didn’t know how much it would hurt.

I didn’t know how it would kill me

to realize you’d never feel the same.

I didn’t know it would take over my life.

Why did I have to fall in love

with someone who could never love me?

You broke me and I’ll never be the same.