I strive to have the confidence
of the guys next door
who shoot off fireworks
every single night
knowing the world,
including myself,
despises their existence.
Google” What are the Signs and Symptoms of a Soulmate?”
Wouldn’t it be nice if WebMD
could diagnose a condition called
falling in love?
Imagine doing a Google search
for “signs and symptoms
for having a soulmate”
likes it’s some disease or infection
that could be easily distinguished.
What kinds of things would be on this list?
Raging hormones? Increased laughter?
Pain in facial muscles from smiling so much?
Increased sweating? Risk of pregnancy?
Who is to say how to tell if someone
is the one you are meant to spend your life with?
Personally, I’d be more intersted in a
possible treatment option plan
because advice on how to proceed
when you’re pretty sure you’ve got
could probably come in handy.
A “talk to your doctor” would
not do a whole lot of good.
I wish this had a few great
home remedies.
Sorry mom, but I don’t think
ginger ale will be fixing this one.
A Love Poem
I want to write a love poem,
but that requires not only someone to write about,
but someone to love.
And while I’m sure if I took a moment
and gave it some thought,
I could find someone to write a poem about
because it doesn’t take much for me to love someone.
I have a lot of love to share with the world
and if you’re important in my life,
I probably love you.
Family, friends, students.
If I can put your name to your face,
the odds are I love you.\
The problem is it takes something more
then just me loving someone
to write a good love poem.
Lovee poems need a certain magic
that only comes from being loved back.
A love poem is not nearly as heartfelt
as when there is a sense of an unbreakable bond.
At this time, the only unconditional love
that meets this condition in my life
is my dog.
And she can’t read sooooooo…
no love poems today.
A Glass of Wine
This just goes to show
that a glass of wine can solve
all of my problems.
Happy Fake Patty’s Day
It just goes to show
that college kids will always
go out of their way
to make up a holiday
so they can spend
a whole day drinking.
Do You Ever Wonder
Do you ever wonder,
while you’re sitting there
for long periods of time
who the heck
invented toilet paper?
How My Time is Spent
How my time is spent:
Work, work, work, work, work, work, work,
Work, work, work, and sleep.
Drunk Texts
Last night I was drunk.
The moral of today’s story:
Next time, take my phone.
Kids Say the Darndest Things
My first-grade students’
favorite word right now is fat.
They called me it…twice
I swear I love children.
Sometimes they drive me nuts,
It’s their goal in life.
Priorities
Does he like me? Eh…
It’s hard to really say so
I’ll just stick to food
