A Balloon

I feel like a balloon released to the wind,

soaring, floating- I’m surviving on my own.

I see the world below me,

and all the wonders and happiness around me.

I wonder If I will find the ground again

and find that happiness too.

But at times, I feel out of control.

The wind moves me, I go along

thinking there are so many things to see

but It feels like I am reaching new heights

higher, higher and further from the dream below.

I want to be grounded.

I want to be tethered to something in this world

that gives my existence a purpose.

I’m too high now. No one can reach my string

and pull me back to earth.

So I’ll keep floating until I pop from

too many changes in atmospheric pressure

and when I finally return to the ground,

all that will be left is broken remains.

Consumed

Well, it happened. It has finally won.

The darkness that I have worked

so hard to fend off over the years

has finally consumed me.

All the smiles you gave me

that shone a light to frighten them off

are now ancient history.

I know there will never be another

time a look from you will make me happy

because I know.

I know that you don’t think I’m special

and that I’m not good enough.

I may go through the same motions as her

but you will never love me.

That thought has forever darkened my soul

and I am just a hollow shell

that the darkness has filled.

I won’t bother struggling anymore

since I know there isn’t a happy ending

waiting for me on the other side anymore.

It has won and I’ll never be the same.

 

Pretending

I have become so good

At pretending to be happy,

That I can’t tell that it’s fake anymore.

There are times that I can

Actually fool myself to think

That I can forget the truth inside me.

I can show a smile.

I can even share a giggle.

But those can’t fix the void I feel inside.

Inside, I am empty,

A hollow of my former self;

Plenty of room for words to bounce around.

I don’t have a purpose.

I’m not worth anything at all.

I will never be good enough to feel

Like life is worth living.