You were not what I expected
to see when I woke up at dawn.
I didn’t know you existed
until you were already gone.
A Balloon
I feel like a balloon released to the wind,
soaring, floating- I’m surviving on my own.
I see the world below me,
and all the wonders and happiness around me.
I wonder If I will find the ground again
and find that happiness too.
But at times, I feel out of control.
The wind moves me, I go along
thinking there are so many things to see
but It feels like I am reaching new heights
higher, higher and further from the dream below.
I want to be grounded.
I want to be tethered to something in this world
that gives my existence a purpose.
I’m too high now. No one can reach my string
and pull me back to earth.
So I’ll keep floating until I pop from
too many changes in atmospheric pressure
and when I finally return to the ground,
all that will be left is broken remains.
Consumed
Well, it happened. It has finally won.
The darkness that I have worked
so hard to fend off over the years
has finally consumed me.
All the smiles you gave me
that shone a light to frighten them off
are now ancient history.
I know there will never be another
time a look from you will make me happy
because I know.
I know that you don’t think I’m special
and that I’m not good enough.
I may go through the same motions as her
but you will never love me.
That thought has forever darkened my soul
and I am just a hollow shell
that the darkness has filled.
I won’t bother struggling anymore
since I know there isn’t a happy ending
waiting for me on the other side anymore.
It has won and I’ll never be the same.
Pretending
I have become so good
At pretending to be happy,
That I can’t tell that it’s fake anymore.
There are times that I can
Actually fool myself to think
That I can forget the truth inside me.
I can show a smile.
I can even share a giggle.
But those can’t fix the void I feel inside.
Inside, I am empty,
A hollow of my former self;
Plenty of room for words to bounce around.
I don’t have a purpose.
I’m not worth anything at all.
I will never be good enough to feel
Like life is worth living.
Baffy Basics 