But I Can’t, But I Won’t, But I Want to.

There are so many things I want to say,

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I have questions I need to ask

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I need to get my answers

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I want to stop holding back,

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I wish I could stop biting my tongue,

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I want to end each call with I love you,

but I can’t,

but I won’t

but I want to.

 

I want to tell you how I feel,

but I can’t,

but I won’t

but I want to.

 

I want you to admit how you feel

but you can’t,

but you won’t,

but I want you to.

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This Hope

I once had this hope

that maybe my poems

would speak all the words

that I knew I could not;

That the right choice of words

and the right amount of something

that I did not have would be enough

when I knew that I was not;

That maybe the emotions

that I’m constantly holding back

would be felt in my writing

that I knew I could not share.

but I know they are not.

I still have this hope

that maybe someday they will

if  I would only share those poems

with the rest of the world

and not keep them to myself…

yet I know I will not.

 

 

Sometimes…

Sometimes I wish the words for my poems

could flow as smoothly and as enchanting

as the ones in an Ed Sheeran love song.

Sometimes they do.

Sometimes I get caught in the moment

and find myself swept away in the magic

of the feelings I have and the words I type.

Sometimes I read what I write and think

“This is simply perfect.

I’ve captured a small glimpse perhaps

of what I originally intended,

but yet it’s exactly what I meant.”

Sometimes I take a step back and wonder

if the words are truly my own

because I don’t believe that my

lonely, loveless heart could have

produced words full of such awe.

Sometimes I get excited to share these

words crafted by my soul with the world,

but I always remember I can’t.

So while I may wish to enchant the world

with my own lyrics like Ed,

I’ll have to settle with saving

my soul to my file of drafts

full of other hopes waiting for their time

to shine like the light of a thousand stars…

 

 

I Shouldn’t Rock the Boat

Sometimes I think about the poems

that I really want to post but can’t.

Instead, I save them in a file

on my computer waiting

for the right time

when they will truly be appreciated.

They could be truly amazing,

and highly successful, but…

I have to hold back.

Sometimes making waves in the world

can lead to many good things

but this is just one time where

I shouldn’t rock the boat.