I’m a hopeless romantic,
empahsis on the hopeless.
I’d like to say I’m more
on the romantic side,
but who would be there
to confirm my alibi?
No one, like always.
So all those dreams
and hidden smiles
and contained laughs
and audible sighs
will just have to wait
because who would be there
to enjoy what I have to
offer to the world?
No one, like always.
I am broken,
but silenced.
I feel pain,
but hide it.
I spiral down
but can’t fight it.
I feel emotions
but can’t describe it.
I think bad thoughts
but conceal them.
I paint a picture
but only half.
I need help
but can’t find it.
I’m ignored.
I’m silenced.
Who am I to believe
that I can help others
find their place in the world
when I can’t even
find one of my own?
Who am I to believe
that everyone should dream
and pursue those dreams
when I can’t even
find one of my own?
Who am I to believe
that there is good in the world
and it is a joy to be here
when I can’t even
want to stick around?
I say I want to make a difference,
but all I really am is “different”.
I seem ambitious; optimistic,
but my energy and time is spent.
Life is a movie
that everyone wants to see.
But like a movie,
it has spoilers
and people further along
in the movie
can’t keep their mouths shut
and ruin your ideas
and thoughts
and plans
and hopes.
So if you know the movie
won’t end how you want,
why bother to keep watching?
It’s ruined in a way
you can never undo.
They say at the bottom of the rainbow
there is a pot of gold
but I am at the bottom
and I promise you there is no gold here.
Just disappointment and broken dreams
which you can find anywhere really.
So why unstick yourself from the pillows
you’ve been crying into for three hours?
Save yourself from searching
for the happiness you hope is out there
at the bottom of some rainbow for you
because there is not.
It’s just much the same
so just protect yourself
from getting your hopes up.
There’s nothing out there
worth living for.
I don’t like the way I look,
for there is very little I can do to change it.
Believe me, I’ve tried many times.
I eat healthily, gain weight.
I go to the gym four times a week, pants don’t fit.
I do the expensive programs and the result?
my wallet slimmer, not me.
I do what I can to accept this is who I am though.
I’ll just always be a big girl.
It is what it is.
However, some days this is harder than others.
Like yesterday when I was getting dressed
and I found a new stretch mark.
I went back to bed and cried for three hours.
Why can’t I be someone else?
Just yesterday I was dreaming.
I pictured us 12 years from now
at our son’s 5th birthday party.
His older sister was playing
soccer with their friends,
running around our pool.
Family members were arriving,
they could see our happiness.
They commented on my glow
when I said there’d be one more.
In that future, I was happy.
I had something to live for,
to look forward to someday.
But today, I know I don’t.
When I think of my future,
I see nothing but darkness.
I see you won’t be there
to be the light of my world.
I don’t have a future anymore.
I don’t have hopes and dreams.
I have a death wish instead
because a life without you
isn’t a life I want to live.
The snow drifts down from clouds of dull gray,
but they’re not as gray as I feel today.
It’s frigid cold and I can’t feel my thumb,
but it can’t chill me. I’m already numb.
The flakes wander down in an unclear path,
Like me, while struggling through the aftermath.
When they reach the ground, they melt to their end.
There is nothing left for them; don’t pretend.
I too am at the end of my journey.
Do not save me; I don’t want a gurney.
I am a hopeless romantic,
extra emphasis on hopeless.
I believe there is love out there
that could save me from the darkness,
then again chivalry is dead.
Men don’t bring you flowers just because.
They don’t go out of their way to
plan surprises to make your day.
Guys don’t care to take a moment
to slow down and dance in the rain.
They don’t stop to look in your eyes
and savor time before a kiss.
It’s just relationships without
any real hope of commitment.
These dudes don’t think about romance.
It is a different day and time,
but I won’t settle for lazy.
Men must go the extra mile.
I want to live a love story.
I want whirlwind. I want crazy.
I want to be swept off my feet.
I’m a hopeless romantic
and I am worth all the effort.
Baffy Basics 