When I Can’t See You

Even when I can’t see you

as we talk on our phone calls,

I have known you long enough

to be able to tell when

-you’re smiling at my voice

after it’s been a long while

-you are blushing from my praise

(deserved because you’re awesome)

-your eyebrows raise from surprise

as I spill the tea from work.

-your nervous energy is

obvious as you fidget

-you’re hiding giggles as I

flirt unashamed with you

-you’re smirking as you try to

stop bantering back with me

Just know that when you think that

I can’t see you- Oh I do

Because I love all the quirks

and things that you do that make

you You.


I Would Be an Amazing Girlfriend

I would be amazing girlfriend.

I would always ask about your day.

I would inquire about your family.

I would send you memes when you need a laugh.

I would have a shoulder when you need to vent.

I would bake you cookies to make you smile.

I would take care of you when you are sick.

I would squeeze your hand for gentle encouragement.

I would hold you hand on walks in the park

I would light up every time I see you.

I would get your family to love me too.

I would kiss you goodnight and goodbye in the mornings.

I would flirt and banter until all hours of the night.

I would sometimes know where we should go out to eat.

I would have great ideas about cute dates.

I would love you until the end of time.

I would be everything you could ever dream of.

I would be an amazing girlfriend….

but no one will give me the chance.


Our whole lives are built upon


From the time we are born

and rely on adults to hold us

in a way our delicate, vulnerable

necks don’t snap

to elementary school when

you make your first friend

and decide whole on the playground

is worthy of knowing your secrets.

To high school when you

work up the nerve to tell

your feelings to someone

knowing very well you might just

get hurt in the process

To adulthood where we

share our burdens and insecurities

that make us seem less put together

than we want to come across.

And even in death,

we must decide in our final moments

who we want to remember us

in our dying breaths.

Our whole lives are built around


So why are we so scared

to be vulnerable?

One Little Christmas Light

Darkness is void of all colors.

It consumes everything around it.

Where you see nothing, you hear nothing.

You can only focus on the bleak emptiness-

That is until someone adds a little color to it.

One little Christmas light may not

be the thing that brightens the word,

but with a whole string,

a whole house,

a whole yard full,

the world seems a lot more promising.

So it is with you.

My world was dark until you added to it-

a whole lot of smiles

a whole lot of laughter

a whole day with you.

You filled my darkness with light

and the world seems a lot more promising.

A Word

A word-

So much power in just 6 spaces.

Your mouth and brain

are consumed by a vocabulary

with as many choices as

stars in the sky on a clear night.

A word

communicates your ideas clearly

and also leaves the water as murky

as Lake Erie crashing against shore-

creating worries and caution observing

what is obscuring you view.

A word

has many synonyms

that would instigate a large variety

of feeling within another human.

Yet you chose to use that one

knowing it would hurt me the most.


My life is a big puzzle

And I have no idea

just how many pieces I have

when I opened up the box.

I put the edges together first

so I have so sort of idea

what I’m looking to accomplish.

Then over time I slowly

put a couple pieces together here

connect to my border there

drop a couple bad words

when a piece I thought would fit

doesn’t fit where I want it.

Eventually I seem like I’ve got

enough of an idea

to know what I want the puzzle

to be when it is finished,

but I still am missing big chunks

all over the place.

I can stare at one of those places

yet to be built and know

that for example, that is where

my husband will go.

But I have no idea what those pieces

look like or how to narrow it down.

I just know I’m missing something

and I a faint idea what it might look like

and I am going to keep trying the same

pieces over and over

until I find their spot in the puzzle

because it’s in the box for a reason.

It belongs in my life somewhere.

I just have to figure out where.


I’ve spent 13 years waiting for this moment

and now that it’s finally here,

I’m terrified I am going to blow it.

There are no restarts, redos, or second chances.

This is it.

It either happens or it doesn’t.

I’ve trusted my gut all this time

that it was leading me in the right direction,

but what if it was wrong?

Do I keep waiting for the right moment?

Do I keep waiting to see if

everything I’ve dreamed about

lives up to its reality?

or do I move on so that

when the shoe inevitably drops,

it hurts a little less?