A Pumpkin

Sometimes I wish I were a pumpkin

because when looking for a pumpkin,

the bigger and rounder the better.

Maybe then someone would want me.

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But I Can’t, But I Won’t, But I Want to.

There are so many things I want to say,

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I have questions I need to ask

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I need to get my answers

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I want to stop holding back,

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I wish I could stop biting my tongue,

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I want to end each call with I love you,

but I can’t,

but I won’t

but I want to.

 

I want to tell you how I feel,

but I can’t,

but I won’t

but I want to.

 

I want you to admit how you feel

but you can’t,

but you won’t,

but I want you to.

Bottom of the Rainbow

They say at the bottom of the rainbow

there is a pot of gold

but I am at the bottom

and I promise you there is no gold here.

Just disappointment and broken dreams

which you can find anywhere really.

So why unstick yourself from the pillows

you’ve been crying into for three hours?

Save yourself from searching

for the happiness you hope is out there

at the bottom of some rainbow for you

because there is not.

It’s just much the same

so just protect yourself

from getting your hopes up.

There’s nothing out there

worth living for.

The Left Behind

It’s much easier to do the leaving

than to be the left behind.

While you are all off to do

all new things

in all new places

with all new people,

I’m left with the same life

I’ve lived for many years before

except it’s different now

because you’re not here

to experience it with me.

Not a lot of exciting things happen to me

that you haven’t heard of lived before

but I get to hear all your exciting

stories from around the country

and realize how stuck I really am.

I’m glad my friends get to go on

such exciting adventures, I am.

But sometimes they don’t realize

that in the wake of their new experiences

I am left behind with no one

to do something as simple as

get a coffee with

because my closest best friend

is at now four hours away

and that makes life very lonely.

 

Holiday Feels

Nothing quite brings out the “Holiday Feels”

like being the only single one at the table.

Nothing reminds me of the hurt

filling my empty heart

like seeing the love and joy that fills many others.

Nothing brings me such pain

as dreaded questions and comments like

“Why didn’t you bring someone?” or

“Oh, well there’s always next year”.

Nothing brings me such envy

as seeing kisses and tenderness

that I can only imagine in dreams

Nothing brings me the “Holiday Feels”

like being subjected to time with family.

The Elephant in the Room

I’m sitting on a hillside,
And I feel like I don’t belong.
It’s how I feel every day,
Amongst other people.
Everything around me is calm.
Everything has a place
And a role to fill.
Everything does what it’s supposed to
Except for me.
What am I doing here?
I do everything wrong.
Everything feels like a mistake.
It’s no wonder I’m not happy.
How could I possibly be?
I don’t have a purpose.
I don’t have anywhere I belong.
I stick out of everywhere.
I’m the elephant in the room
No one wants to talk about.
What’s wrong with me?
Why aren’t I normal?
Why can’t I just be happy?
Those are all difficult questions
That no one wants to ask.
It’s so much easier to ignore me.
It lets everyone and everything
Go on with their lives.