A Balloon

I feel like a balloon released to the wind,

soaring, floating- I’m surviving on my own.

I see the world below me,

and all the wonders and happiness around me.

I wonder If I will find the ground again

and find that happiness too.

But at times, I feel out of control.

The wind moves me, I go along

thinking there are so many things to see

but It feels like I am reaching new heights

higher, higher and further from the dream below.

I want to be grounded.

I want to be tethered to something in this world

that gives my existence a purpose.

I’m too high now. No one can reach my string

and pull me back to earth.

So I’ll keep floating until I pop from

too many changes in atmospheric pressure

and when I finally return to the ground,

all that will be left is broken remains.

Cold and Bitter

Summer rays of light

brown my pale skin

that has been hidden inside

for 3 long months

as I hide from dangers

that were out of my control.

As I lay in the damp grass,

using my mind to persuade

spiders to not crawl across

my oily, burning legs,

I can’t help but wonder

which side to lay on

to let the sun’s heat

to warm up my soul

because I’m afraid

too much pain

has made me cold and bitter.

I’m afraid that combo

is only desirable

in a Starbucks

freshly iced coffee,

not in a soulmate,

Hopeless

I’m a hopeless romantic,

empahsis on the hopeless.

I’d like to say I’m more

on the romantic side,

but who would be there

to confirm my alibi?

No one, like always.

So all those dreams

and hidden smiles

and contained laughs

and audible sighs

will just have to wait

because who would be there

to enjoy what I have to

offer to the world?

No one, like always.

 

But I Can’t, But I Won’t, But I Want to.

There are so many things I want to say,

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I have questions I need to ask

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I need to get my answers

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I want to stop holding back,

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I wish I could stop biting my tongue,

but I can’t,

but I won’t,

but I want to.

 

I want to end each call with I love you,

but I can’t,

but I won’t

but I want to.

 

I want to tell you how I feel,

but I can’t,

but I won’t

but I want to.

 

I want you to admit how you feel

but you can’t,

but you won’t,

but I want you to.

Bottom of the Rainbow

They say at the bottom of the rainbow

there is a pot of gold

but I am at the bottom

and I promise you there is no gold here.

Just disappointment and broken dreams

which you can find anywhere really.

So why unstick yourself from the pillows

you’ve been crying into for three hours?

Save yourself from searching

for the happiness you hope is out there

at the bottom of some rainbow for you

because there is not.

It’s just much the same

so just protect yourself

from getting your hopes up.

There’s nothing out there

worth living for.

The Left Behind

It’s much easier to do the leaving

than to be the left behind.

While you are all off to do

all new things

in all new places

with all new people,

I’m left with the same life

I’ve lived for many years before

except it’s different now

because you’re not here

to experience it with me.

Not a lot of exciting things happen to me

that you haven’t heard of lived before

but I get to hear all your exciting

stories from around the country

and realize how stuck I really am.

I’m glad my friends get to go on

such exciting adventures, I am.

But sometimes they don’t realize

that in the wake of their new experiences

I am left behind with no one

to do something as simple as

get a coffee with

because my closest best friend

is at now four hours away

and that makes life very lonely.