No Friends

When I say I don’t have friends,

I don’t mean I have no friends.

I mean I have no friends here

anymore to do things with.

It’s hard to be the one who

stayed. It’s lonely without you.

 

Advertisements

The Left Behind

It’s much easier to do the leaving

than to be the left behind.

While you are all off to do

all new things

in all new places

with all new people,

I’m left with the same life

I’ve lived for many years before

except it’s different now

because you’re not here

to experience it with me.

Not a lot of exciting things happen to me

that you haven’t heard of lived before

but I get to hear all your exciting

stories from around the country

and realize how stuck I really am.

I’m glad my friends get to go on

such exciting adventures, I am.

But sometimes they don’t realize

that in the wake of their new experiences

I am left behind with no one

to do something as simple as

get a coffee with

because my closest best friend

is at now four hours away

and that makes life very lonely.

 

Holiday Feels

Nothing quite brings out the “Holiday Feels”

like being the only single one at the table.

Nothing reminds me of the hurt

filling my empty heart

like seeing the love and joy that fills many others.

Nothing brings me such pain

as dreaded questions and comments like

“Why didn’t you bring someone?” or

“Oh, well there’s always next year”.

Nothing brings me such envy

as seeing kisses and tenderness

that I can only imagine in dreams

Nothing brings me the “Holiday Feels”

like being subjected to time with family.

The Elephant in the Room

I’m sitting on a hillside,
And I feel like I don’t belong.
It’s how I feel every day,
Amongst other people.
Everything around me is calm.
Everything has a place
And a role to fill.
Everything does what it’s supposed to
Except for me.
What am I doing here?
I do everything wrong.
Everything feels like a mistake.
It’s no wonder I’m not happy.
How could I possibly be?
I don’t have a purpose.
I don’t have anywhere I belong.
I stick out of everywhere.
I’m the elephant in the room
No one wants to talk about.
What’s wrong with me?
Why aren’t I normal?
Why can’t I just be happy?
Those are all difficult questions
That no one wants to ask.
It’s so much easier to ignore me.
It lets everyone and everything
Go on with their lives.

Things I Cannot Change

They say that “if you

Don’t like the life you’re living,

Only you have the power to change it.”

That’s not true.

There are things I cannot change.

There are things out of my control.

I can’t make a boy love me.

That’s not my life.

That’s someone else’s.

If I’m miserable because no one loves me,

I can’t force someone to love me.

If my parents treat me like shit,

I can’t make them not be assholes.

That’s their personality.

I can’t change them.

I just have to deal with their mistreatment.

I can’t force my friends to want to hang out.

If I’m lonely,

And they are busy,

I can’t make them not be.

They have lives too.

So maybe I don’t like the life I’m living,

But I can’t do much to change that.

That’s life and it sucks.

To Feel Like Someone Loves Me

I want to feel like someone loves me.

It seems like a simple human right

That I just can’t seem to claim.

Love is linked to happiness

Which explains why I’m miserable.

I don’t want a boyfriend just to say I have one.

I just want someone to bring me joy.

I want to feel like I matter.

I want someone to make me smile.

I want someone to care about me

Because I’m tired of being the only one.

It exhausting telling myself each day

That life is worth living

When the list of reasons just gets shorter.

I need someone to make me feel

Like I’m not alone.

I need to feel like someone loves me,