Well, it happened. It has finally won.
The darkness that I have worked
so hard to fend off over the years
has finally consumed me.
All the smiles you gave me
that shone a light to frighten them off
are now ancient history.
I know there will never be another
time a look from you will make me happy
because I know.
I know that you don’t think I’m special
and that I’m not good enough.
I may go through the same motions as her
but you will never love me.
That thought has forever darkened my soul
and I am just a hollow shell
that the darkness has filled.
I won’t bother struggling anymore
since I know there isn’t a happy ending
waiting for me on the other side anymore.
It has won and I’ll never be the same.
The snow drifts down from clouds of dull gray,
but they’re not as gray as I feel today.
It’s frigid cold and I can’t feel my thumb,
but it can’t chill me. I’m already numb.
The flakes wander down in an unclear path,
Like me, while struggling through the aftermath.
When they reach the ground, they melt to their end.
There is nothing left for them; don’t pretend.
I too am at the end of my journey.
Do not save me; I don’t want a gurney.
Rain has been sliding down the windowsill all day,
yet not a single tear has found its way down my face.
I’m too numb and too lost to understand what happened.
My biggest dream in life is gone now and so am I.
It turns out that happiness just wasn’t in the cards.
My one and only hope that life would improve someday
has just been thrown out the window and is gone for good.
I’ve been clinging to this hope since I was in high school.
That little thought at times was my only will to live.
Now I just don’t know what I’ll do from here. Maybe die?
I know my soul did today. Now it’s time to catch up.
Nothing to hold me back anymore. I’ve no regrets.
The last little piece of my soul is gone.
I don’t know how I will ever go on.