Actions are Louder than Words

I see your lips are moving

but I’m not sure what you’re saying

because actions are louder than words

and I’m getting some mixed messages here.

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Google” What are the Signs and Symptoms of a Soulmate?”

Wouldn’t it be nice if WebMD

could diagnose a condition called

falling in love?

Imagine doing a Google search

for “signs and symptoms

for having a soulmate”

likes it’s some disease or infection

that could be easily distinguished.

What kinds of things would be on this list?

Raging hormones? Increased laughter?

Pain in facial muscles from smiling so much?

Increased sweating? Risk of pregnancy?

Who is to say how to tell if someone

is the one you are meant to spend your life with?

Personally, I’d be more intersted in a

possible treatment option plan

because advice on how to proceed

when you’re pretty sure you’ve got

could probably come in handy.

A “talk to your doctor” would

not do a whole lot of good.

I wish this had a few great

home remedies.

Sorry mom, but I don’t think

ginger ale will be fixing this one.

 

 

 

Control

I like to believe that I am in control.

That I am independent.

I mean I worked my ass off for a degree

by myself.

I saved up for 5 years and bought a car

by myself.

I have a good paying part-time job

by myself.

I’m looking for a big girl career now

by myself.

But yet no matter how what I do

to make myself feel like

an accomplished adult

I will always be trapped.

For I may have a degree,

a car,

a job,

but you will always make sure

that you still control

some small piece of my life

so that I always have to come back

to this horrid place.

You will always keep me dependent

so that I can never escape,

even though this atmosphere is toxic

and is killing me; suffacting me

making my accomplishments

as worthless as myself.

Go Out Walking

Every day I  go out walking

miles and miles of trails that wind

hoping, and praying,

to leave myself behind.

I’m looking for a new me,

one I can face in the mirror

because now all I can see

is someone far inferior.

Sometimes I think it’s working;

that all the struggles are worth it.

I  do everything correctly,

but nothing has changed a bit.

No matter how hard I work,

no matter how hard I strive

I’m greeted by the same person

at the end when I arrive.

What is in My Soul?

When you look into my soul,

and I know you do because

I can feel you there,

what is it you see?

I like to believe that there is

something beyond the darkness

I’ve been feeling for a few years now.

I like to believe I go deeper than that;

I am multidimensional.

Perhaps you see my passion,

surrounded by persistence and loyalty.

Perhaps you see the youth

that my playful heart feeds off.

Perhaps you see soft, gentle colors

that depict all the kindness

I have to offer to others.

Or maybe you see the abundance

of love and compassion that I am

just dying to share with the world.

What is in my soul?

What do you see?

Is there hope for me yet?

Or has the darkness smoothered my light?

Taking Things

I thought you were done taking things from me

when you stole my virginity 7 years ago.

But yet here we are, all these years later

and you’re still taking things from me:

My happiness

My hopes

My dreams

My soulmate

My chance of having someone love me.

I can’t have any of those things

because you ruined me; damaged me.

And now I’m so broken that

I can never have the one thing all always want.

After 7 years I finally realize

it’s never going to get better for me.

Fuck you.