That’s a long time.
That’s how long I was waiting.
Waiting for you to notice me.
Waiting for you to see me.
Waiting for you to say you love me.
Waiting for you to hear me cry myself to sleep,
maybe on just one of those nights
and to ask me what was wrong.
That’s 3,287 chances you had
and you didn’t use any of them.
So now here we are.
You want to make amends
and try to make it up to me for
all the times you ignored me
when I needed you most;
when you were all that I needed.
But you have damaged me.
I cannot be fixed.
I cannot be retaught that I deserve love
after all the times you showed me I did not.
Sometimes I wish I could just disappear,
be erased from the minds of the ones I love
even though they don’t love me.
Because as much as I want to suddenly die
I worry about hurting them which ironic
considering how much they hurt me.
I’m to take a shot
Everytime I think of you.
…Not my best idea
I have a sunburn.
It upsets me.
I’m in pain.
It’s always there.
It makes me darker.
I didn’t want it.
I can’t move.
It’s killing me.
My outside matches my inside.
You can’t do this to me.
You can’t keep running
In and out of my life
When I need you the most.
I’m vulnerable. I’m fragile.
I’m physically falling apart.
I’m already emotionally broken.
You can’t act like you’re
Going to make everything better
But then never come around.
I already feel ignored
By everyone in my life.
Now it feels like
You’re abandoning me too.
It’s weird to think that
My facebook knows I’m depressed,
But my friends do not.
I’m sitting on a hillside,
And I feel like I don’t belong.
It’s how I feel every day,
Amongst other people.
Everything around me is calm.
Everything has a place
And a role to fill.
Everything does what it’s supposed to
Except for me.
What am I doing here?
I do everything wrong.
Everything feels like a mistake.
It’s no wonder I’m not happy.
How could I possibly be?
I don’t have a purpose.
I don’t have anywhere I belong.
I stick out of everywhere.
I’m the elephant in the room
No one wants to talk about.
What’s wrong with me?
Why aren’t I normal?
Why can’t I just be happy?
Those are all difficult questions
That no one wants to ask.
It’s so much easier to ignore me.
It lets everyone and everything
Go on with their lives.
I am so depressed.
I bought ice cream, but no spoon.
Now it’s even worse
I want to feel like someone loves me.
It seems like a simple human right
That I just can’t seem to claim.
Love is linked to happiness
Which explains why I’m miserable.
I don’t want a boyfriend just to say I have one.
I just want someone to bring me joy.
I want to feel like I matter.
I want someone to make me smile.
I want someone to care about me
Because I’m tired of being the only one.
It exhausting telling myself each day
That life is worth living
When the list of reasons just gets shorter.
I need someone to make me feel
Like I’m not alone.
I need to feel like someone loves me,
Looking into your eyes
Is like looking at the sun.
I can look for a few seconds
So I know what they look like,
But if I look for much longer,
I’ll end up getting hurt.