Every Mile Between Us

After a twelve hour drive

I could truly feel

every mile between us.

Leaving was already hard,

but feeling myself get

further and further from you

hurt more than I ever

thought it would; thought it could.

700 miles doesn’t feel that far

until you actually travel it

and have to race away

putting every mile between us.

Before my trip,

the distance was but nothing

but now 700 miles feels

impossibly far away.

And far as it feels,

at least distance is measurable.

The real pain comes from

how far into time it will be

until I see you again.

Because that is something

that I just don’t know.

 

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Hurt

I’ve hurt today

and I’ve been hurt before

but I’ll say it here

that nothing hurt more

than when I let you in

and you closed the door.

 

Why be vulnerable

and confess hard secrets

to be ignored;

filled with regrets.

I’m really not one

who easily forgets.

Cold and Bitter

Summer rays of light

brown my pale skin

that has been hidden inside

for 3 long months

as I hide from dangers

that were out of my control.

As I lay in the damp grass,

using my mind to persuade

spiders to not crawl across

my oily, burning legs,

I can’t help but wonder

which side to lay on

to let the sun’s heat

to warm up my soul

because I’m afraid

too much pain

has made me cold and bitter.

I’m afraid that combo

is only desirable

in a Starbucks

freshly iced coffee,

not in a soulmate,

9 Years

9 years.

That’s a long time.

That’s how long I was waiting.

Waiting for you to notice me.

Waiting for you to see me.

Waiting for you to say you love me.

Waiting for you to hear me cry myself to sleep,

maybe on just one of those nights

and to ask me what was wrong.

That’s 3,287 chances you had

and you didn’t use any of them.

So now here we are.

You want to make amends

and try to make  it up to me for

all the times you ignored me

when I needed you most;

when you were all that I needed.

But you have damaged me.

I cannot be fixed.

I cannot be retaught that I deserve love

after all the times you showed me I did not.

 

 

 

 

Ironic

Sometimes I wish I could just disappear,

be erased from the minds of the ones I love

even though they don’t love me.

Because as much as I want to suddenly die

I worry about hurting them which ironic

considering how much they hurt me.

Drink Away the Pain

I’m to take a shot

Everytime I think of you.

…Not my best idea

Sunburn

I have a sunburn.

It upsets me.

I’m hurting.

I’m in pain.

It’s irritating.

It’s always there.

It makes me darker.

I didn’t want it.

I can’t move.

I’m crying.

It’s killing me.

My outside matches my inside.

 

You Can’t Do This to Me

You can’t do this to me.

You can’t keep running

In and out of my life

When I need you the most.

I’m vulnerable. I’m fragile.

I’m physically falling apart.

I’m already emotionally broken.

You can’t act like you’re

Going to make everything better

But then never come around.

I already feel ignored

By everyone in my life.

Now it feels like

You’re abandoning me too.

 

Facebook Knows

It’s weird to think that

My facebook knows I’m depressed,

But my friends do not.

The Elephant in the Room

I’m sitting on a hillside,
And I feel like I don’t belong.
It’s how I feel every day,
Amongst other people.
Everything around me is calm.
Everything has a place
And a role to fill.
Everything does what it’s supposed to
Except for me.
What am I doing here?
I do everything wrong.
Everything feels like a mistake.
It’s no wonder I’m not happy.
How could I possibly be?
I don’t have a purpose.
I don’t have anywhere I belong.
I stick out of everywhere.
I’m the elephant in the room
No one wants to talk about.
What’s wrong with me?
Why aren’t I normal?
Why can’t I just be happy?
Those are all difficult questions
That no one wants to ask.
It’s so much easier to ignore me.
It lets everyone and everything
Go on with their lives.