What do I Want

As my undergraduate career comes to a close

in less than three weeks from today,

I’m finding that the amount of people that

are asking me what my plans are for

after I graduate is increasing substantially.

But the truth is that I really don’t have an answer

to satisfy their curious minds because

I truly don’t know what I am going to do.

Believe me: it’s more frustrating than you know.

I would love to have just one simple answer

to give upon request, but the thing is

that is so much harder to achieve than I thought.

There are so many options at my fingertips

that it is hard to pick just one to follow.

I tried on one, and decided I didn’t like it

and now I feel stuck once again.

As the world I know around me rushes to a close,

I find myself lost in the whirlwind with no direction

and it fills me with an anxiety I can’t describe.

People confront me and I don’t know what I want.

Well, I do.

It’s just not…

I don’t know: A possibility? Viable? Realistic?

It adds to my frustration even more.

I know when people ask me what’s next for me

they want information about my upcoming career,

but I guess the truth is that

that’s not what is important to me.

I have other matters of the heart and soul

to take care of first and until those are met

I can’t focus on anything else.

But my time is running out

and so is the money in my bank account.

I know I need to make a decision.

The pressure is on, but will I be a diamond?

Or will I just crumble?

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Who Knows?

You don’t know what it feels like

To be left in the dark,

Left without the answers

You so desperately need.

Does he know?

Does he care?

Is he scared?

Who knows?

He’ll never say a word,

Leaving me here to wonder,

When will reality fall apart?

When will I have to face the truth,

That there’ll never be an Us?

Does he know and not say?

Does he not care to save my feelings?

Is he too scared to confront me?

Too many years between us

Would probably fall apart.

I mean nothing.

Forgotten in his glory.

All I’ll ever be is a memory.

You can’t know how that feels

To just be some girl

He won’t remember 5 months from now.