If the main goal of living
is to follow your dreams,
then why am I still here?
My dreams will never come true
and hanging around is really
only torturing myself by thinking
about the what-ifs when
there was never even a what.
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Trinkets
It makes my heart so sad
to hear all these girls talk
about what they want
(and will probably get)
for valentines day.
They want flowers
and cards
and chocolates
and candies
and teddy bears
and big gestures
and I am insanely jealous.
Not of the things they’ll get,
because stupid trinkets
from an aisle at Walmart
don’t interest me.
I envy their status;
their position;
the fact that they are
in a place where they can
have and set expectations
such as these meaningless items
because all I want
are three short words
but I will never hear them.
Instead, I’ll get three different words instead:
you’re not enough.
And I never will be.
Downhill
When I was driving through the mountains,
I eventually had to come out the other side
which meant I was going downhill.
I didn’t realize though that even after
driving through the flat cornfields of Ohio,
I would still feel like I’m going downhill
a whole week later.
No More
No more adventures
No more bridges
No more brunches
No more beaches
No more ice cream
No more laughs
No more dolphin shows
No more foreign sodas
No more fireworks
No more cribbage
No more video games
No more smiles
No more you.
Settling for Less
Dating anyone but you
would mean I’m settling.
How do I convince myself
that I’m actually worth less?
How do I tell myself
that I don’t deserve
everything I thought that I
could ever want in life?
How do I tell myself that
I can be happy with
someone who has less to offer?
How do I live with myself?
How do I keep going
when I know what’s waiting
for me down the road
is just disappointment?
No one can ever compare.
You’re the gold medal.
Everyone else just feels like
a participation trophy.
Inferior
I hate what I’ve become.
I hate how I look.
I can’t even look in the mirror.
When I see other girls
with their boys and makeup
I can’t help but feel inferior.
It’s hard to be proud
of the way that I look
when even I know I’m fat.
People can lie
and tell me I’m fine,
but there’s no truth behind any of that.
I know I’m not a ten
and I don’t want to be perfect,
but I wish I could turn just one head.
I’ve never been attractive,
but now I don’t even try.
I never want to leave my bed.
I wish I was pretty,
either inside or out,
but I’ll never be called “beautiful”.
I wish I could hide
and spare the world of my face.
For society and the world, I’m unsuitable.
Drink Away the Pain
I’m to take a shot
Everytime I think of you.
…Not my best idea
The Smallest Things
Today isn’t better.
The smallest things upset me.
I think I’ll give up.
When Will I Learn?
I need to learn to
stop holding my feelings in.
It’s just not healthy.
Keeping it all in
resulted in me crying
in front of my class.
I feel so weak now.
It was so embaressing.
I can’t recover
Alone for the Holiday
Alone, yet again
for another holiday.
Me myself and I
will be present Christmas day.
No one to snuggle
and kiss under mistletoe.
No one to bring home
There’s no one to want to go.
Alone, yet again
No reason for me to brag.
To Christmas dinner
My parents will have to drag.
I love Christmas time,
but it gets harder each year.
No one to love me,
Kills all of my Christmas cheer.
