Downhill

When I was driving through the mountains,

I eventually had to come out the other side

which meant I was going downhill.

I didn’t realize though that even after

driving through the flat cornfields of Ohio,

I would still feel like I’m going downhill

a whole week later.

 

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No More

No more adventures

No more bridges

No more brunches

No more beaches

No more ice cream

No more laughs

No more dolphin shows

No more foreign sodas

No more fireworks

No more cribbage

No more video games

No more smiles

No more you.

Settling for Less

Dating anyone but you

would mean I’m settling.

How do I convince myself

that I’m actually worth less?

How do I tell myself

that I don’t deserve

everything I thought that I

could ever want in life?

How do I tell myself that

I can be happy with

someone who has less to offer?

How do I   live with myself?

How do I keep going

when I know what’s waiting

for me down the road

is just disappointment?

No one can ever compare.

You’re the gold medal.

Everyone else just feels like

a participation trophy.

 

Inferior

I hate what I’ve become.

I hate how I look.

I can’t even look in the mirror.

When I see other girls

with their boys and makeup

I can’t help but feel inferior.

It’s hard to be proud

of the way that I look

when even I know I’m fat.

People can lie

and tell me I’m fine,

but there’s no truth behind any of that.

I know I’m not a ten

and I don’t want to be perfect,

but I wish I could turn just one head.

I’ve never been attractive,

but now I don’t even try.

I never want to leave my bed.

I wish I was pretty,

either inside or out,

but I’ll never be called “beautiful”.

I wish I could hide

and spare the world of my face.

For society and the world, I’m unsuitable.

 

 

 

Alone for the Holiday

Alone, yet again

for another holiday.

Me myself and I

will be present Christmas day.

No one to snuggle

and kiss under mistletoe.

No one to bring home

There’s no one to want to go.

Alone, yet again

No reason for me to brag.

To Christmas dinner

My parents will have to drag.

I love Christmas time,

but it gets harder each year.

No one to love me,

Kills all of my Christmas cheer.

 

Having You Over Was a Mistake

Having you over was a mistake.

Before you came over,

I was already depressed,

But I had at least adjusted to the numb.

Being with you again reminded me

What it’s like to be happy.

But now you are too busy for me.

My happiness isn’t important to you

And I’m falling back into the dark.

The rock bottom is harder than before.

The pain is worse now.

What you did is wrong.

You teased me with a potential

Chance of feeling better.

And then you took it away from me.

I’m destroyed now more than ever.

Having you over was a mistake.

My Drug

 

It’s my drug

and I’m addicted.

It is my only escape.

I need it.

I can get it,

With just the wave of my hand.

Just a touch,

That isn’t special

Is what I need to stay alive.

I use it.

I abuse it.

It’s how I’ve learned to survive.

Sex is my weapon

Of protection

That I use to forget.

Memories

And the flashbacks

Are temporarily forgotten.

The release

Is the relief

My tortured mind needs.

I’m broken.

Can’t be saved.

My drug is keeping me alive.