Teacher Appreciation Day

Posted on by Baffy Basics

Right now,

there is a little boy

sitting on a bus

with flowers in his hand,

bouncing up and down,

excited to give them to

his favorite teacher

in the whole wide world

when he gets to school.

But it won’t be me.

Because I’m not there.

He’ll wonder where I am

and his excitement will die

and it will wither down

just like the flowers

he places on my desk

because I can’t go get them.

and that breaks my heart.

Right now,

there’s a little girl

holding on to a bag

with a mug she picked out

and a card with her name

that she has been working

hard to learn to write

by herself all year,

eager to give it to

the teacher that makes

her smile and laugh all day

but it won’t be me

because I’m not there.

She’ll wonder where I am

and why I’m not with her

to make her smile

and to laugh all day.

And that breaks my heart.

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Hurricane

Posted on by Baffy Basics

I’ve never been one to mind a little rain.

Everything needs a little water to grow.

It’s when the hurricanes hit that I begin to quake.

A little rain won’t hurt they say,

but what do you do when you’re drowning?

Drowning in despair, emotions, thoughts

with no idea when or why the storm had to strike now.

Maybe you’ll get some false hope

in an eye of the storm where

you’ll let yourself believe

that it can get better; it will get better

only to be hit by the other half of the storm,

far more furious than the last.

All you can do is bunker down and stay inside,

hoping that this storm won’t be your last.

But that’s hard to do when you know at the end,

when the sun decides to make a reappearance,

you’ll be faced with the devastation and despair

that came from the havoc and furry of the beast.

It’s hard to let yourself rebuild everything up

when you know that at any moment

another hurricane could strike and tear you right back down.

I’d like to believe that horrible cyclones are few and far between,

but I’m more realistic than that.

Whether I intended to or not, I have to realize

that my life has set its roots on the coastline

and I am forever destined to keep being hit

by bad hurricanes over and over

and the only way out is to either succumb

or get my shit together and move out,

but that’s a lot more strength than you’ll find

behind these batters doors .

Trinkets

Posted on by Baffy Basics

It makes my heart so sad

to hear all these girls talk

about what they want

(and will probably get)

for valentines day.

They want flowers

and cards

and chocolates

and candies

and teddy bears

and big gestures

and I am insanely jealous.

Not of the things they’ll get,

because stupid trinkets

from an aisle at Walmart

don’t interest me.

I envy their status;

their position;

the fact that they are

in a place where they can

have and set expectations

such as these meaningless items

because all I want

are three short words

but I will never hear them.

Instead, I’ll get three different words instead:

you’re not enough.

 

And I never will be.

Settling for Less

Posted on by Baffy Basics

Dating anyone but you

would mean I’m settling.

How do I convince myself

that I’m actually worth less?

How do I tell myself

that I don’t deserve

everything I thought that I

could ever want in life?

How do I tell myself that

I can be happy with

someone who has less to offer?

How do I   live with myself?

How do I keep going

when I know what’s waiting

for me down the road

is just disappointment?

No one can ever compare.

You’re the gold medal.

Everyone else just feels like

a participation trophy.