Hurricane

Posted on by Baffy Basics

I’ve never been one to mind a little rain.

Everything needs a little water to grow.

It’s when the hurricanes hit that I begin to quake.

A little rain won’t hurt they say,

but what do you do when you’re drowning?

Drowning in despair, emotions, thoughts

with no idea when or why the storm had to strike now.

Maybe you’ll get some false hope

in an eye of the storm where

you’ll let yourself believe

that it can get better; it will get better

only to be hit by the other half of the storm,

far more furious than the last.

All you can do is bunker down and stay inside,

hoping that this storm won’t be your last.

But that’s hard to do when you know at the end,

when the sun decides to make a reappearance,

you’ll be faced with the devastation and despair

that came from the havoc and furry of the beast.

It’s hard to let yourself rebuild everything up

when you know that at any moment

another hurricane could strike and tear you right back down.

I’d like to believe that horrible cyclones are few and far between,

but I’m more realistic than that.

Whether I intended to or not, I have to realize

that my life has set its roots on the coastline

and I am forever destined to keep being hit

by bad hurricanes over and over

and the only way out is to either succumb

or get my shit together and move out,

but that’s a lot more strength than you’ll find

behind these batters doors .

Torturing Myself

Posted on by Baffy Basics

If the main goal of living

is to follow your dreams,

then why am I still here?

My dreams will never come true

and hanging around is really

only torturing myself by thinking

about the what-ifs when

there was never even a what.

Trinkets

Posted on by Baffy Basics

It makes my heart so sad

to hear all these girls talk

about what they want

(and will probably get)

for valentines day.

They want flowers

and cards

and chocolates

and candies

and teddy bears

and big gestures

and I am insanely jealous.

Not of the things they’ll get,

because stupid trinkets

from an aisle at Walmart

don’t interest me.

I envy their status;

their position;

the fact that they are

in a place where they can

have and set expectations

such as these meaningless items

because all I want

are three short words

but I will never hear them.

Instead, I’ll get three different words instead:

you’re not enough.

 

And I never will be.

Settling for Less

Posted on by Baffy Basics

Dating anyone but you

would mean I’m settling.

How do I convince myself

that I’m actually worth less?

How do I tell myself

that I don’t deserve

everything I thought that I

could ever want in life?

How do I tell myself that

I can be happy with

someone who has less to offer?

How do I   live with myself?

How do I keep going

when I know what’s waiting

for me down the road

is just disappointment?

No one can ever compare.

You’re the gold medal.

Everyone else just feels like

a participation trophy.

 

Inferior

Posted on by Baffy Basics

I hate what I’ve become.

I hate how I look.

I can’t even look in the mirror.

When I see other girls

with their boys and makeup

I can’t help but feel inferior.

It’s hard to be proud

of the way that I look

when even I know I’m fat.

People can lie

and tell me I’m fine,

but there’s no truth behind any of that.

I know I’m not a ten

and I don’t want to be perfect,

but I wish I could turn just one head.

I’ve never been attractive,

but now I don’t even try.

I never want to leave my bed.

I wish I was pretty,

either inside or out,

but I’ll never be called “beautiful”.

I wish I could hide

and spare the world of my face.

For society and the world, I’m unsuitable.