“You’re such a spoiled brat.
I don’t have time for your petty problems.
I have to take care of myself.”
Those are the words you yelled at me
as I sat in the hall
after you hung up on my friend
who told you I was going to try to kill myself.
those are also the words you yelled at me
when I decided that I hated you
because I knew at that point
I could never forgive you.
Obviously, there’s a reason
I didn’t kill myself
all those years ago
when I had the chance.
I just wish I knew
what that reason was.
It would make life
a lot simpler now.
I’m so lost.
Why am I here?
Sometimes I wish I could just disappear,
be erased from the minds of the ones I love
even though they don’t love me.
Because as much as I want to suddenly die
I worry about hurting them which ironic
considering how much they hurt me.
Rain has been sliding down the windowsill all day,
yet not a single tear has found its way down my face.
I’m too numb and too lost to understand what happened.
My biggest dream in life is gone now and so am I.
It turns out that happiness just wasn’t in the cards.
My one and only hope that life would improve someday
has just been thrown out the window and is gone for good.
I’ve been clinging to this hope since I was in high school.
That little thought at times was my only will to live.
Now I just don’t know what I’ll do from here. Maybe die?
I know my soul did today. Now it’s time to catch up.
Nothing to hold me back anymore. I’ve no regrets.
Sometimes it’s really
hard for me to not want to
just end everything.