I know it’s been a long while.
Things have been hard,
which I’m sure you’re aware of.
I’d like to say that I’m sorry that I stopped believing in you,
but can you blame me?
I prayed to you every single night
begging you to make things better,
to stop my demons,
but it was like you never heard me.
Every time I said I couldn’t take any more,
you came up with something else
to add to my already full plate.
You took the mother of my emotionally abusive father.
You moved my best friend, and only support, to a different school.
You took away our only income
and filled my head with horrible thoughts
Yet I tried.
I tried to keep believing
that you had something better
just around the corner
and if I just kept believing
and trucking along,
I would see it.
So I did.
Until you know who happened
and did you know what to me.
Why would you let that happen?
Why would you punish me for following
I just couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t believe that anyone
who was supposed to watch over me
and have a plan for me,
because he loved me,
would ever put such a horrible thing in my plan.
So I just stopped.
I stopped believing.
I’d like to believe again.
I’d like to believe that
someone else out there is making all the plans for me
since I really have no idea what I’m doing anymore.
But it’s hard for me.
I have trust issues
and you’re a big reason why.
I expected other people here on earth
to turn away from me
when I asked for help,
but I didn’t think you would too.
I want to trust in. you again though.
I want to feel loved again.
I would really like to feel like someone out there
not only wants my love
but wants to love me too.
As I said earlier,
things have been kinda rough lately,
but I’d like one more chance
if you’re willing to let me give you
one more chance too.
Just one good thing.
That’s all I ask.
In my string of hard times,
please give me something new to hold on to.
Something I can believe in.
Give me a sign that maybe,
you’re out there listening this time around.
Help me trust again.