The Perfect Love Story

Someone asked me today

to describe the perfect love story

but the truth is you can’t.

There is no such thing.

Love is messy.

Love is unique.

Love is all over the place.

One story that may speak to me,

may speak differently to you

because we don’t have the same heart.

And the things I have felt

in my 21 years of experience

cannot ever be fully captured in words

no matter how hard I may try.

The truth is love is its own language

and it writes it’s own stories

that are intended for small, intimate audiences

and it’s not up to me to put it into words.

I cannot capture the full meaning

behind a smile’s joy

or certain looks given

or even laughs shared.

I cannot only feel the perfect love story

and hope people can catch a small glimpse

of it through my eyes

as I try to live the story.

Love is not a perfect story to be told.

Love is a life to live to it’s fullest.

 

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9 Years

9 years.

That’s a long time.

That’s how long I was waiting.

Waiting for you to notice me.

Waiting for you to see me.

Waiting for you to say you love me.

Waiting for you to hear me cry myself to sleep,

maybe on just one of those nights

and to ask me what was wrong.

That’s 3,287 chances you had

and you didn’t use any of them.

So now here we are.

You want to make amends

and try to make  it up to me for

all the times you ignored me

when I needed you most;

when you were all that I needed.

But you have damaged me.

I cannot be fixed.

I cannot be retaught that I deserve love

after all the times you showed me I did not.

 

 

 

 

#THATSNOTMYNAME

Guess why I’m writing this poem

And you might succeed. It’s

Because you don’t seem to know my name, which is

Really disappointing.

I’d like to say I’m not upset, but

Even I can’t help but be offended that you haven’t

Learned my name in the

Last fifteen years. But I’ll get over it…

Eventually….

Commitment

I want commitment.

I’m not here to play games.

I want to make a plan,

make a future for myself.

If you want a part of it,

then do something.

I’ll gladly make additions.

That part is easy.

it removing someone

over and over that’s hard.

That’s not reliable.

I need people to count on,

a sturdy foundation.

I need commitment.

You’re either in or out.

Which is it?

 

The World Moves On

Sometimes I watch as the world moves on

while I am standing perfectly still.

I am hidden underneath blankets,

trying to feel smaller than I am.

In moments like these, I can see that

when I am trying to disappear

and forgotten from the world, I am.

The world doesn’t need me or miss me.

The world goes on with or without me.

Would it really be that bad if I

just disappeared? I’m not needed here.

If I was, the world would notice.

The world would care that I’m at my end,

But the world doesn’t. It will go on.

I will be forgotten when I die.

My impact is so minuscule that

after the blink of an eye, my death

will be a tally added to the

billions who faded out before me.

You don’t think about any of them,

nor will you think about me in  time

because the world moves on without me

 

 

 

Past Present Future

If I’m already your past and present

wouldn’t it make sense that I’m your future?

Our lives are already entwined together

so let’s make the jump; let’s add a suture.

You can go to the bar and sit around

but I can without a doubt guarantee

no matter how long you sit, you won’t find

a girl that knows you at all like me.

You won’t find a girl  that can say that she

supported your dreams from the very start.

She’ll see who you are, but won’t see how you

got there; won’t see how you followed your heart.

You may find someone that you want to try

to build your future with but let’s be real:

the future you want needs a strong foundation,

and we already have one made of steel.

When you are  ready to stop playing games

you’ll come around and be able to see

when it comes to past, present, and future

It could only be referring to me.

 

 

Eventually

Everything that comes into your life

must eventually become absent.

No matter how much you try

to nurture and care for something,

it will eventually disappear.

You can try to prevent it,

but you will fail.

You can try to prolong it,

but you will hurt yourself more.

You can believe it’s not actually gone,

but you will just be in denial.

Everything faces the cruel hands of time.

Everything has an expiration date

Everyone dies,

eventually.

Everything changes,

eventually.

Everything disintegrates to dust,

eventually.

Everything you at one point have,

something you take advantage of daily,

will someday walk out and be replaced with regret.

Everything good in life will fade away,

just like me.

 

They Don’t See

When people look at me, they just see my stretch marks.

They don’t see the 5 lives I’ve saved.

They don’t see me giving back to the community.

They don’t see me teaching young children to read.

 

When people look at me, all they see is my weight.

They don’t see my athletic career.

They don’t see my honors diploma.

They don’t see my kindness.

 

When people look at me, they just see my obesity.

They don’t see me volunteering with dogs.

They don’t see me working 3 jobs.

They don’t see who I really am

And that’s a true shame.

 

This House is Just Like Me

The house I grew up

is slowly falling apart

just like me.

 

It’s used and broken.

No one will ever want it

just like me.

It’s an unattractive eyesore

to everyone sharing this town

just like me.

and it’s filled to the brim

with things it’s trying to hold in,

just like me.

No one comes to visit

and honestly, why would they?

This house is just like me.