Past Present Future

If I’m already your past and present

wouldn’t it make sense that I’m your future?

Our lives are already entwined together

so let’s make the jump; let’s add a suture.

You can go to the bar and sit around

but I can without a doubt guarantee

no matter how long you sit, you won’t find

a girl that knows you at all like me.

You won’t find a girl  that can say that she

supported your dreams from the very start.

She’ll see who you are, but won’t see how you

got there; won’t see how you followed your heart.

You may find someone that you want to try

to build your future with but let’s be real:

the future you want needs a strong foundation,

and we already have one made of steel.

When you are  ready to stop playing games

you’ll come around and be able to see

when it comes to past, present, and future

It could only be referring to me.

 

 

Advertisements

Eventually

Everything that comes into your life

must eventually become absent.

No matter how much you try

to nurture and care for something,

it will eventually disappear.

You can try to prevent it,

but you will fail.

You can try to prolong it,

but you will hurt yourself more.

You can believe it’s not actually gone,

but you will just be in denial.

Everything faces the cruel hands of time.

Everything has an expiration date

Everyone dies,

eventually.

Everything changes,

eventually.

Everything disintegrates to dust,

eventually.

Everything you at one point have,

something you take advantage of daily,

will someday walk out and be replaced with regret.

Everything good in life will fade away,

just like me.

 

They Don’t See

When people look at me, they just see my stretch marks.

They don’t see the 5 lives I’ve saved.

They don’t see me giving back to the community.

They don’t see me teaching young children to read.

 

When people look at me, all they see is my weight.

They don’t see my athletic career.

They don’t see my honors diploma.

They don’t see my kindness.

 

When people look at me, they just see my obesity.

They don’t see me volunteering with dogs.

They don’t see me working 3 jobs.

They don’t see who I really am

And that’s a true shame.

 

This House is Just Like Me

The house I grew up

is slowly falling apart

just like me.

 

It’s used and broken.

No one will ever want it

just like me.

It’s an unattractive eyesore

to everyone sharing this town

just like me.

and it’s filled to the brim

with things it’s trying to hold in,

just like me.

No one comes to visit

and honestly, why would they?

This house is just like me.

 

 

Inferior

I hate what I’ve become.

I hate how I look.

I can’t even look in the mirror.

When I see other girls

with their boys and makeup

I can’t help but feel inferior.

It’s hard to be proud

of the way that I look

when even I know I’m fat.

People can lie

and tell me I’m fine,

but there’s no truth behind any of that.

I know I’m not a ten

and I don’t want to be perfect,

but I wish I could turn just one head.

I’ve never been attractive,

but now I don’t even try.

I never want to leave my bed.

I wish I was pretty,

either inside or out,

but I’ll never be called “beautiful”.

I wish I could hide

and spare the world of my face.

For society and the world, I’m unsuitable.

 

 

 

No Longer a Victim

Today is the last day that your name will ever cross my lips.

Your name does not deserve to be uttered by me.

You took something priceless from me that I cannot ever get back.

Six years ago you soiled me and made me feel worthless.

I’ve never mentioned your name to another living soul

because no one else should ever have to hear about you

or the awful things you’ve done to me.

But I just don’t have the time or energy left to carry this burden anymore.

It’s not even a burden I should have to carry.

Why should I be the one who feels guilty when I did nothing wrong?

I’m tired of making poor decisions for my life

just to cover up the pathetic one you made six years ago.

I want to move on with my life and never think about you again.

I deserve to be happy and find peace with myself.

I cannot change the past, but I can choose my future

and I want you to have absolutly zero part of it.

So today I’ll share your name just once,

not here because it’s more attention than you’ll ever deserve.

But I will be taking this burden off of my shoulders

and leave it in the mountains so I never see it again.

I’ll return home with a clean slate, no longer a victim.

It’s time to fight for what I actually deserve in life.

 

 

Slave to Love

Being in love is such a freeing thing,

But only when felt by both parties.

I have no freedom to whom I love.

I am a slave to love.

It has a hold on me.

And I am stuck in my state.

I can’t love all I want,

but I won’t be free until I’m loved back

And that just won’t be happening,

Not in this lifetime.