Dangerous to Dream

It is dangerous to dream

bigger than the moment

you are already living.

It may be easy to dream

of long white curtains

billowing in a warm breeze

or a four-poster bed with

soft pink petals scattered

across bright, white sheets

that are as fresh and as pure as you;

maybe later you’ll be tangled in them

as you watch the sunset

over the ocean out your window

with the love of your life

shortly after you dedicated

your lives to be spent with each other.

Seems simple enough of a dream,

But that can be ripped from you

long before you ever get close

to touching that dream.

So dream simply of small things

like your first margarita

because the odds of someone

shoving that down your throat

against your will

is a lot less likely than other things…

take it from me.

The Way I Used to Be

The way I used to be

was full of life,

full of love,

full of hope.

 

The way I used to be

was optimistic,

outgoing,

unstoppable.

 

The way I used to be

is gone,

destroyed,

abandoned.

 

You did this to me.

 

 

 

 

 

No Longer a Victim

Today is the last day that your name will ever cross my lips.

Your name does not deserve to be uttered by me.

You took something priceless from me that I cannot ever get back.

Six years ago you soiled me and made me feel worthless.

I’ve never mentioned your name to another living soul

because no one else should ever have to hear about you

or the awful things you’ve done to me.

But I just don’t have the time or energy left to carry this burden anymore.

It’s not even a burden I should have to carry.

Why should I be the one who feels guilty when I did nothing wrong?

I’m tired of making poor decisions for my life

just to cover up the pathetic one you made six years ago.

I want to move on with my life and never think about you again.

I deserve to be happy and find peace with myself.

I cannot change the past, but I can choose my future

and I want you to have absolutly zero part of it.

So today I’ll share your name just once,

not here because it’s more attention than you’ll ever deserve.

But I will be taking this burden off of my shoulders

and leave it in the mountains so I never see it again.

I’ll return home with a clean slate, no longer a victim.

It’s time to fight for what I actually deserve in life.

 

 

My Drug

 

It’s my drug

and I’m addicted.

It is my only escape.

I need it.

I can get it,

With just the wave of my hand.

Just a touch,

That isn’t special

Is what I need to stay alive.

I use it.

I abuse it.

It’s how I’ve learned to survive.

Sex is my weapon

Of protection

That I use to forget.

Memories

And the flashbacks

Are temporarily forgotten.

The release

Is the relief

My tortured mind needs.

I’m broken.

Can’t be saved.

My drug is keeping me alive.