Ray of Sunshine

Sometimes I like to believe

that I am a ray of sunshine,

trying to bring light and joy

to a world that desperately needs it.

Sometimes my shine gets blocked

by a pesky little cloud

or even a dark, earth-shaking storm

but it is important to remember

that through it all,

I am still trying to shine through it.

Sometimes I have to remind myself of that too.

Cold and Bitter

Summer rays of light

brown my pale skin

that has been hidden inside

for 3 long months

as I hide from dangers

that were out of my control.

As I lay in the damp grass,

using my mind to persuade

spiders to not crawl across

my oily, burning legs,

I can’t help but wonder

which side to lay on

to let the sun’s heat

to warm up my soul

because I’m afraid

too much pain

has made me cold and bitter.

I’m afraid that combo

is only desirable

in a Starbucks

freshly iced coffee,

not in a soulmate,

A Rock in Your Shoe

When walking along a path,

you may find a rock in your shoe.

It may cause you pain over and over,

until you give in and ignore it

or take your show off and remove the rock.

When choosing to remove the rock,

one must be careful to not pick up

something to cause more sharp pain

like a piece of glass when you

dip your toes back in your shoe.

You may think you were making

your situation better by not allowing

yourself to be burdened by repeated pain

when actually you are opening up

to deeper, intense pain like me.

Don’t be a fool like me.

Safety Blanket

What was your safety blanket as a child?

Mine had Noah’s ark and ruffles on the edges.

Or maybe it was a toy that made you feel

secure and melted your troubles away.

As you grew up, what did you turn to

to get that same feeling of safety?

What makes you feel secure and loved?

I haven’t had a safety blanket in about 15 years,

Those ideas of security and safety are just concepts

that I can’t grasp my insecure head around.

I crave those feelings but most days it’s like

I’m grasping at straws hidden in a foggy haze.

I long to find that one thing that brings my innocence back

since it always finds ways to be taken from me.

So I ask again, what makes you feel safe and secure?

Or  am I destined for a life on the edge of uncertainty?