May 14th

May 14th can come fast enough.

Go ahead. Tell me it’s a bluff.

 

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One-Way Street

I’m tired of being alone,

but I’m also tired of trying.

Why am I the only one?

Why is this a one-way street?

It feels like when I reach out,

people step away from me.

Friends make excuses,

dates cancel plans,

and family tells me to go away.

I’m never enough,

no matter my intentions.

Why aren’t I good enough?

What do I have to do

to get some love around here?

SHouldn’t everyone be loved?

Why am I the exception?

When Did We Grow Up?

When did we grow up?

When did childhood dreams

become our reality?

It feels like just yesterday

we were kids just talking

about what we wanted to do

with the rest of our lives

and now we’re adults.

We have real jobs.

We have to pay bills.

We have actual responsibilities.

Where did time go?

When did we grow up?

 

 

Overthinking

I can’t sleep at night.

It’s tearing me apart.

I can’t stop thinking.

I am overthinking

every little thing.

Things I should just forget,

unimportant things,

suddenly consume me.

I’m anxious about

every aspect of life-

school, love life, work, home.

Constantly running but

I just can’t keep up.

Physically I’m behind,

but mentally I’m

so far ahead that I

see it’s all pointless.

Anxious

I am starting to realize

my anxiety is strong.

Every little thing I do

now appears to be done wrong.

 

The bells at school make me jump,

hyperventilate, panic.

The work I have left to do

this semester makes me sick.

 

I bite my fingers until

until they hurt or they bleed.

I can’t take a compliment

no matter what is the deed.

 

I can’t sleep through the whole night.

I am afraid to be late.

Nothing makes me more anxious

than those eight hours I wait.

 

Overthink situations

and I jump to conclusions.

I make accusations that

lead to people’s confusion.

 

I need to calm myself down.

What is happening inside?

I can’t stop losing my mind,

heaven knows that I have tried.

Dull Gray

The snow drifts down from clouds of  dull gray,

but they’re not as gray as I feel today.

It’s frigid cold and I can’t feel my thumb,

but it can’t chill me. I’m already numb.

The flakes wander down in an unclear path,

Like me, while struggling through the aftermath.

When they reach the ground, they melt to their end.

There is nothing left for them; don’t pretend.

I too am at the end of my journey.

Do not save me; I don’t want a gurney.

 

No Regrets.

Rain has been sliding down the windowsill all day,

yet not a single tear has found its way down my face.

I’m too numb and too lost to understand what happened.

My biggest dream in life is gone now and so am I.

It turns out that happiness just wasn’t in the cards.

My one and only hope that life would improve someday

has just been thrown out the window and is gone for good.

I’ve been clinging to this hope since I was in high school.

That little thought at times was my only will to live.

Now I just don’t know what I’ll do from here. Maybe die?

I know my soul did today. Now it’s time to catch up.

Nothing to hold me back anymore. I’ve no regrets.