May 14th can come fast enough.
Go ahead. Tell me it’s a bluff.
One-Way Street
I’m tired of being alone,
but I’m also tired of trying.
Why am I the only one?
Why is this a one-way street?
It feels like when I reach out,
people step away from me.
Friends make excuses,
dates cancel plans,
and family tells me to go away.
I’m never enough,
no matter my intentions.
Why aren’t I good enough?
What do I have to do
to get some love around here?
SHouldn’t everyone be loved?
Why am I the exception?
When Did We Grow Up?
When did we grow up?
When did childhood dreams
become our reality?
It feels like just yesterday
we were kids just talking
about what we wanted to do
with the rest of our lives
and now we’re adults.
We have real jobs.
We have to pay bills.
We have actual responsibilities.
Where did time go?
When did we grow up?
Overthinking
I can’t sleep at night.
It’s tearing me apart.
I can’t stop thinking.
I am overthinking
every little thing.
Things I should just forget,
unimportant things,
suddenly consume me.
I’m anxious about
every aspect of life-
school, love life, work, home.
Constantly running but
I just can’t keep up.
Physically I’m behind,
but mentally I’m
so far ahead that I
see it’s all pointless.
End of the Semester
I have more papers
left this semester than I
have syllables here.
Anxious
I am starting to realize
my anxiety is strong.
Every little thing I do
now appears to be done wrong.
The bells at school make me jump,
hyperventilate, panic.
The work I have left to do
this semester makes me sick.
I bite my fingers until
until they hurt or they bleed.
I can’t take a compliment
no matter what is the deed.
I can’t sleep through the whole night.
I am afraid to be late.
Nothing makes me more anxious
than those eight hours I wait.
Overthink situations
and I jump to conclusions.
I make accusations that
lead to people’s confusion.
I need to calm myself down.
What is happening inside?
I can’t stop losing my mind,
heaven knows that I have tried.
Dull Gray
The snow drifts down from clouds of dull gray,
but they’re not as gray as I feel today.
It’s frigid cold and I can’t feel my thumb,
but it can’t chill me. I’m already numb.
The flakes wander down in an unclear path,
Like me, while struggling through the aftermath.
When they reach the ground, they melt to their end.
There is nothing left for them; don’t pretend.
I too am at the end of my journey.
Do not save me; I don’t want a gurney.
Quit
Why should I bother to deal with this shit
When all I want to do is stop and quit.
Lie
I would only be living an enormous lie
if I said this didn’t confirm my plans to die.
No Regrets.
Rain has been sliding down the windowsill all day,
yet not a single tear has found its way down my face.
I’m too numb and too lost to understand what happened.
My biggest dream in life is gone now and so am I.
It turns out that happiness just wasn’t in the cards.
My one and only hope that life would improve someday
has just been thrown out the window and is gone for good.
I’ve been clinging to this hope since I was in high school.
That little thought at times was my only will to live.
Now I just don’t know what I’ll do from here. Maybe die?
I know my soul did today. Now it’s time to catch up.
Nothing to hold me back anymore. I’ve no regrets.
Baffy Basics 