What I would not give to be
your coffee mug right now;
to have your lips part in
preparation and in
the long-awaited anticipation
of connecting with me.
How jealous I am that
a stained, ceramic mug
washed and used daily
over and over at this
quiet little diner
knows the intimacy
and the feel of your lips,
which I have yet to taste.
I received great pleasure
watching the sun peak
over the mountaintops
during the early hours
of that final morning,
but it’s not the same joy
I got from waking up
with you next to me.
No one tells you that when you fall in love
you’ll fall in love with their snoring
and the rise and fall of their chest,
but
you
do.
It used to be that when I saw snow
I’d be annoyed by the thought
of the slush and having to dig
my car out from heaps and piles.
But now when I see it,
I always know that somewhere
nearby you are seeing the snow
and that is causing you smiles,
and that is enough for me.
I’m dreaming of a Christmas
Hopefully not too far into the distant future
The last batch of cookies is out from the oven.
Filling the air with cinnamon and sugar delights
Jazzy Christmas music is playing over the radio
adding warmth and joy to my home.
He starts a fire in our new fireplace
that reflects off our stockings hung with care
next to each others for the first time.
The last of the gifts have been wrapped
and placed under the tree covered
in ornaments from our lives past and present.
I sit down on the couch beside him
with my favorite glass of wine in hand
and sigh with relief that I finally made it.
This is the life I always dreamed of.
Christmas at last with the one I love.
Maybe someday…
The things you never noticed about me
during the “8” hours you used to see me
every single day at work:
-I pack the same meal for lunch every day
because that’s what the food bank gave me.
-I also stick around an extra hour after work
so it’s one less hour I have to be home.
-I don’t speak up for myself because
I’m used to punishment if I do.
– I never talk about my home life
because honestly? It isn’t great.
-Yes, I still live at home, you know
because I can’t leave.
Financially? Maybe I could escape
but I’ll never be free of him.
I don’t blame you for never noticing.
I never wanted to show this part of me
Because at work, I am happy and safe.
I wish it had stayed that way
–
–
Dear boss,
I care so much for these kids,
they’re my number one priority.
They’re all our number one priorities.
I worry about them day and night,
as I am sure you do too,
but now that the dust has settled,
I have to ask (and it kills me) but
what about me?
We’re worry about the kids at home
who won’t have enough food
or be guaranteed their meals.
But what about me?
We worry about the kids at home
who need help and support
who just aren’t getting it now.
But what about me?
We worry about the kiddos at home
who have stressful circumstances
that mean success is unlikely,
but what about me?
We worry about the kids at home
who might be abused or unsafe
without trusted adults there.
But what about me?
I am a selfless person
so it pains me to be egocentric,
but we’ve done all these things
to make sure our kiddos are okay,
but what about me?
Because I’m not.
Your Employee.
Isn’t it funny how
concerned you are now that
if I go to the store,
I could catch an illness
and die,
but yet
where was this concern when
an illness was inside me
making me want to die
the last nine fucking years?
The wind howling and banging
against the sides of this house
is enough to distract me
so that I forget that if
life was fair, I’d be packing
for a trip I was meant to
go on a week from today.
I needed you
on that cold January day
when I met to get my fix.
I needed you
when you denied me
and left me in the dirt.
I needed you
as my eyes froze
shut with tears.
I needed you
as my hand clutched
the pill bottle in my pocket.
I needed you
to keep me from myself
ending my life.
I needed you
and you left me there
to pick my own self up.
I needed you
but I don’t now,
That was 7 long years ago.
I don’t need you anymore.
Baffy Basics 