I see your lips are moving
but I’m not sure what you’re saying
because actions are louder than words
and I’m getting some mixed messages here.
Wouldn’t it be nice if WebMD
could diagnose a condition called
falling in love?
Imagine doing a Google search
for “signs and symptoms
for having a soulmate”
likes it’s some disease or infection
that could be easily distinguished.
What kinds of things would be on this list?
Raging hormones? Increased laughter?
Pain in facial muscles from smiling so much?
Increased sweating? Risk of pregnancy?
Who is to say how to tell if someone
is the one you are meant to spend your life with?
Personally, I’d be more intersted in a
possible treatment option plan
because advice on how to proceed
when you’re pretty sure you’ve got
could probably come in handy.
A “talk to your doctor” would
not do a whole lot of good.
I wish this had a few great
Sorry mom, but I don’t think
ginger ale will be fixing this one.
As my undergraduate career comes to a close
in less than three weeks from today,
I’m finding that the amount of people that
are asking me what my plans are for
after I graduate is increasing substantially.
But the truth is that I really don’t have an answer
to satisfy their curious minds because
I truly don’t know what I am going to do.
Believe me: it’s more frustrating than you know.
I would love to have just one simple answer
to give upon request, but the thing is
that is so much harder to achieve than I thought.
There are so many options at my fingertips
that it is hard to pick just one to follow.
I tried on one, and decided I didn’t like it
and now I feel stuck once again.
As the world I know around me rushes to a close,
I find myself lost in the whirlwind with no direction
and it fills me with an anxiety I can’t describe.
People confront me and I don’t know what I want.
Well, I do.
It’s just not…
I don’t know: A possibility? Viable? Realistic?
It adds to my frustration even more.
I know when people ask me what’s next for me
they want information about my upcoming career,
but I guess the truth is that
that’s not what is important to me.
I have other matters of the heart and soul
to take care of first and until those are met
I can’t focus on anything else.
But my time is running out
and so is the money in my bank account.
I know I need to make a decision.
The pressure is on, but will I be a diamond?
Or will I just crumble?
I can’t recall the last time someone looked at me
and told me what they like about me.
I can’t remember the last time someone gave me
an ounce of hope that maybe I am pretty.
I can’t distinguish in my mind the last time someone
made me feel good about myself…
but I can sure as hell give you a list
of all the times someone told me the opposite
It is dangerous to dream
bigger than the moment
you are already living.
It may be easy to dream
of long white curtains
billowing in a warm breeze
or a four-poster bed with
soft pink petals scattered
across bright, white sheets
that are as fresh and as pure as you;
maybe later you’ll be tangled in them
as you watch the sunset
over the ocean out your window
with the love of your life
shortly after you dedicated
your lives to be spent with each other.
Seems simple enough of a dream,
But that can be ripped from you
long before you ever get close
to touching that dream.
So dream simply of small things
like your first margarita
because the odds of someone
shoving that down your throat
against your will
is a lot less likely than other things…
take it from me.
When I say I don’t have friends,
I don’t mean I have no friends.
I mean I have no friends here
anymore to do things with.
It’s hard to be the one who
stayed. It’s lonely without you.
It’s much easier to do the leaving
than to be the left behind.
While you are all off to do
all new things
in all new places
with all new people,
I’m left with the same life
I’ve lived for many years before
except it’s different now
because you’re not here
to experience it with me.
Not a lot of exciting things happen to me
that you haven’t heard of lived before
but I get to hear all your exciting
stories from around the country
and realize how stuck I really am.
I’m glad my friends get to go on
such exciting adventures, I am.
But sometimes they don’t realize
that in the wake of their new experiences
I am left behind with no one
to do something as simple as
get a coffee with
because my closest best friend
is at now four hours away
and that makes life very lonely.
If you took the time
to individually count
every single drop
of cold, salty water
in the vast ocean
you might finally have
a number equal to
all the times
I’ve thought about you.
Sometimes I think about the poems
that I really want to post but can’t.
Instead, I save them in a file
on my computer waiting
for the right time
when they will truly be appreciated.
They could be truly amazing,
and highly successful, but…
I have to hold back.
Sometimes making waves in the world
can lead to many good things
but this is just one time where
I shouldn’t rock the boat.
Someone asked me today
to describe the perfect love story
but the truth is you can’t.
There is no such thing.
Love is messy.
Love is unique.
Love is all over the place.
One story that may speak to me,
may speak differently to you
because we don’t have the same heart.
And the things I have felt
in my 21 years of experience
cannot ever be fully captured in words
no matter how hard I may try.
The truth is love is its own language
and it writes it’s own stories
that are intended for small, intimate audiences
and it’s not up to me to put it into words.
I cannot capture the full meaning
behind a smile’s joy
or certain looks given
or even laughs shared.
I cannot only feel the perfect love story
and hope people can catch a small glimpse
of it through my eyes
as I try to live the story.
Love is not a perfect story to be told.
Love is a life to live to it’s fullest.