I feel ignored during times I need you the most.
I am losing my battle with my thoughts innermost.
I feel ignored during times I need you the most.
I am losing my battle with my thoughts innermost.
Lately, I have been considering
what really makes me happy
but I do not have an answer.
I feel empty and lost
because I don’t have dreams.
When I was in high school,
when I should have been
discovering myself
and deciding what I want
to do with the rest of my life
all I wanted to do was die.
Now I’m at the point
where the light at the end
of the tunnel is real,
but I don’t know
what I want there to be
waiting for me at the end.
I’m lost and I’m scared
and I’m reverting back to my old tendencies.
I’d rather put an end to it all
than face the future that I don’t know;
the future that I didn’t create.
Who even am I?
Am I really a teacher?
Am I really a swimmer?
Am I really a lifeguard?
Who even am I?
Am I really a band kid?
Am I really a good student?
Am I really a sorority girl?
Who even am I?
Am I just living lies?
Am I able to make my own choices?
Am I just another pawn?
I don’t know how to be the person
that I decide to be
because everyone chose for me.
Who even am I?
Obviously, there’s a reason
I didn’t kill myself
all those years ago
when I had the chance.
I just wish I knew
what that reason was.
It would make life
a lot simpler now.
I’m so lost.
Why am I here?
The rain falls quickly outside
and turns the sky a grey
that matches the shade of my sweater.
As depressing as it looks,
I still catch myself gazing
(blankly starring)out the window.
A woman drones on
about the importance of the work
I’ll be doing the rest of my life
but I cannot pay attention.
The quick streaks of white
that dash through my line of view
get me thinking; get me wondering
what am I doing with my life?
The days are dashing by
like the streaks of rain from the sky,
but unlike those cold, fat raindrops
I am not heading for a destination.
I am sitting at a desk wondering
what am I doing with my life?
When I was a little girl,
I used to play with the light switches.
I made it a personal goal
to try to balance a switch right in the middle,
but it was never possible.
It always had to be slightly more up
or slightly more down.
It could never be perfectly evened out.
Yet, I pursued my goal
and constantly tried to correct it.
When the switch would waiver,
I’d try to reposition it.
This led to a lot of ups and downs
and a period of time where
the light would flicker on and off
until I finally would give up
and turn the lights off.
These last few days I have
felt like I am this lightswitch
being played with by a child.
I want neither up nor down.
I want to be centered,
but I have little flickers of
extreme emotions that appear
at a moments notice.
It’s a lot of ups and downs.
Balance is unobtainable.
I’m growing bored from
trying to control my light switch.
I think it’s time to turn out the light,
I wish I was pretty.
Guys always go for the pretty girls.
They never settle for girls that are nice.
If they’re both that’s a plus,
but it’s never just because they’re nice.
I wish I was pretty,
but I’m not. I’m the nice girl.
I get overlooked because I’m not enough.
I wish I was pretty
so I could finally be good enough
to deserve to be loved.
Hi there!
Are any of you guys also Wattpad users? I’m curious to know. I have an account on there with several books I’ve written over the years and some of my very early poetry. Some of it is not very good because my grammar was atrocious in high school, but I’m slowly going through it and revising it.
Anywho, I’m bringing this up because I recently entered a writing competition on the app and could use some more votes. If anyone is interested in helping me out or even just checking it out let me know. You guys are wonderfully supportive of my writing on here and I would love it if that support could transfer to my novel writing as well. Thank you.
First graders are great.
so full of joy and laughter
and ready to learn.