Innermost

I feel ignored during times I need you the most.

I am losing my battle with my thoughts innermost.

Empty and Lost

Lately, I have been considering

what really makes me happy

but I do not have an answer.

I feel empty and lost

because I don’t have dreams.

When I was in high school,

when I should have been

discovering myself

and deciding what I want

to do with the rest of my life

all I wanted to do was die.

Now I’m at the point

where the light at the end

of the tunnel is real,

but I don’t know

what I want there to be

waiting for me at the end.

I’m lost and I’m scared

and I’m reverting back to my old tendencies.

I’d rather put an end to it all

than face the future that I don’t know;

the future that I didn’t create.

Who Even am I?

Who even am I?

Am I really a teacher?

Am I really a swimmer?

Am I really a lifeguard?

 

Who even am I?

Am I really a band kid?

Am I really a good student?

Am I really a sorority girl?

 

Who even am I?

Am I just living lies?

Am I able to make my own choices?

Am I just another pawn?

 

I don’t know how to be the person

that I decide to be

because everyone chose for me.

Who even am I?

Quick Streaks

The rain falls quickly outside

and turns the sky a grey

that matches the shade of my sweater.

As depressing as it looks,

I still catch myself gazing

(blankly starring)out the window.

A woman drones on

about the importance of the work

I’ll be doing the rest of my life

but I cannot pay attention.

The quick streaks of white

that dash through my line of view

get me thinking; get me wondering

what am I doing with my life?

The days are dashing by

like the streaks of rain from the sky,

but unlike those cold, fat raindrops

I am not heading for a destination.

I am sitting at a desk wondering

what am I doing with my life?

Light Switches

When I was a little girl,

I used to play with the light switches.

I made it a personal goal

to try to balance a switch right in the middle,

but it was never possible.

It always had to be slightly more up

or slightly more down.

It could never be perfectly evened out.

Yet, I pursued my goal

and constantly tried to correct it.

When the switch would waiver,

I’d try to reposition it.

This led to a lot of ups and downs

and a period of time where

the light would flicker on and off

until I finally would give up

and turn the lights off.

These last few days I have

felt like I am this lightswitch

being played with by a child.

I want neither up nor down.

I want to be centered,

but I have little flickers of

extreme emotions that appear

at a moments notice.

It’s a lot of ups and downs.

Balance is unobtainable.

I’m growing bored from

trying to control my light switch.

I think it’s time to turn out the light,

 

 

 

I Wish I Was Pretty

I wish I was pretty.

Guys always go for the pretty girls.

They never settle for girls that are nice.

If they’re both that’s a plus,

but it’s never just because they’re nice.

I wish I was pretty,

but I’m not. I’m the nice girl.

I get overlooked because I’m not enough.

I wish I was pretty

so I could finally be good enough

to deserve to be loved.

 

 

Wattpad

Hi there!

Are any of you guys also Wattpad users? I’m curious to know. I have an account on there with several books I’ve written over the years and some of my very early poetry.  Some of it is not very good because my grammar was atrocious in high school, but I’m slowly going through it and revising it.

Anywho, I’m bringing this up because I recently entered a writing competition on the app and could use some more votes. If anyone is interested in helping me out or even just checking it out let me know. You guys are wonderfully supportive of my writing on here and I would love it if that support could transfer to my novel writing as well. Thank you.