I Cannot Be Skinny

I hate that I can workout everyday,

literally until I’d collapse if I worked any more

and yet I cannot be skinny.

 

I hate that I can eat all the right things

or consume just enough calories a day to survive

and yet I cannot be skinny.

 

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I Wish

I wish I was pretty

I wish I was thinner.

I wish I had the body that boys go for.

I wish I didn’t have stretch marks.

I wish for a flat tummy.

I wish I didn’t hate myself when I look in a mirror.

I wish for a boyfriend.

I wish for someone to love me.

I wish I’d stop getting hurt.

 

If You Could Have One Thing

“If you could have one thing

in the whole wide world,

what would it be?

Some people will say wealth.

Some people might say happiness.

Some others might say love,

while others want their dreams.

But for me, if I could

have one thing out of the

billions of choices at hand,

I would choose you because

then I could have it all.

My dreams would come true.

I could finally feel love

and experience happiness

that would make me feel

like the wealthiest girl

to ever exist.

But I can’t have you.

It’s just a silly game

and a stupid question.

I can’t have what I want

most of all because

you’d have to want me too.

This Place is Not a Home

This place is not a home.

It’s a war zone. It’s hell.

It’s full of people on edge,

people walking on eggshells

trying to avoid another fight,

but someone always cracks

because how can you not be angry?

This place is unhealthy.

This place is not a home.

 

This place is not a home.

This place is emotionally abusive.

You can’t share your feelings

or your true thoughts because

the tyrant will scream at you

until to submit to his way

and are terrorized into giving up.

The “man” of the house

is not a man at all

but a dictator who admitted

just last week in fact

that nothing gets done around here

unless he intimidates us

and that’s just how he likes it.

This place is run by a bully.

This place is not a home.

 

This place is not a home,

it’s barely a step above a dump.

Bathrooms are falling apart.

floors are rotting through

and tiles are shattered.

Carpets are permentaly stained

and in desperate need of a vacuum.

There hasn’t been a working light

in the kitchen in the better part

of half a decade, maybe more.

Things are broken, but not replaced.

Just put off until it becomes an “issue”,

whatever that’s supposed to mean.

Junk is piled up everywhere

that we’re expected to just live around.

There are paths but no space.

This is not a living space.

This place is not a home.

 

 

The Latter

In the end, a couple has two options:

they either break up or they get married.

When I look for a relationship,

I firmly believe it will end in the latter,

until they give me a reason not to.

I’m not one to run. I hate exercise.

So if I’m chasing someone it’s for good cause.

It’s because I can clearly see the future

and it’s better because they’re in it.

I’m not one to let go of a good thing

or throw away gold in the trash.

I’m not here to be wasteful.

I’m not here for fun and games.

Life is serious and a challenge. So am I.

I want someone by my side to help face it

because any good puzzle requires

both time and commitment to solve.

Relationships are puzzles people face.

They take lifetimes to solve.

They get easier when you have

more pieces to put in place.

So why give up before you’ve even started?

Why break up a puzzle when

you can see the image at the end?

You’ll never get there.

I want the latter.

I want to solve the puzzle.

 

Commitment

I want commitment.

I’m not here to play games.

I want to make a plan,

make a future for myself.

If you want a part of it,

then do something.

I’ll gladly make additions.

That part is easy.

it removing someone

over and over that’s hard.

That’s not reliable.

I need people to count on,

a sturdy foundation.

I need commitment.

You’re either in or out.

Which is it?